Divorced #5. And I think Im getting it..

[Mrs D]

Day 9 done. Only conversation was about C's lemonade stand. Still sad that it seems we are going backwards, but Im excited that I seem to be going forward. Forward as in day 9. Dont think Ive detached much though since I broke diwn twice at work. I guess its not as often as it had been though, right?

Came home and went to Romans as my Pastors wife asked me to do. Picked Romans 5 on a whim. AND chapter 5 is entitled Peace and Hope. Coincidence? Id like to think thats where God directed me to choose. And Ive read it three times tonight.

[unbidden]

You're really doing great. Onward and upward.

[Mrs D]

You're really doing great. Onward and upward.

Thanks unbidden. Still feel like the whole relationship with X is going backwards though. Its hard to be someones best friend to being someone that doesnt even get a call anymore to see how things are. Think thats one of the hardest parts right now.

[Arsene]

Stick with it girl. Thanks for reminding me to take my own medicine. Cheers!

[Mrs D]

Day 10. I did call X this morning because he didnt sign off on C's homework. C said they did it, but he tells me we did it when I tell him we need to get homework done. Silly kid. Anyway - that was the conversation. Homework. It was a short, good conversation.

I really think that X is in a rebound relationship. But how long to these last? How can he not see the changes that I have been making? Why does he still continue to be with this person when I really think we can make things work out for us? Im standing here waiting.. trying to be patient. I know God is working in the background as I am. I just have so many questions when it seems its all going backwards. Just my thoughts for the morning. Happy Tuesday everyone.

[Brian in Hville]

When you stop asking those questions, things will be going forwards!

[Mrs D]

Thanks Brian. Im getting there, one day at a time. I feel like IM doing better with no contact, etc. But I still just question everything else going on around me.
Meh - Ill get through it.

I dont really have alot to communicate other than I dont really talk to him anymore unless about C. Im super busy with work - so that takes a good deal of my time during the day. Busy with C at night. IC isnt until Saturday this week, because my therapist has something else going on. I look forward to Wednesday night therapy sessions! LOL

[Carnac]

MrsD: I know what you mean about therapy....im looking forward to tonight. Mine was cancelled last week b/c the dr. had to be out of the office but i've got an appt. tonight that im looking forward to.

Its interesting that you talk about going from your best friend to someone who doesnt speak to you much. I feel the same way, but i've also started to recognize that on some level its just general loneliness isnt it? What I mean by that is that I always knew she was going to call when she left work, probably call if she stopped at the store, maybe call in the morning on the way to work and possibly a call around noon if one of us got the time to call the other. So now not only does she NOT call me, but im not calling her either, so its kind of a hole there in my communication ring.

I still talk to lots of friends, and have plenty of people that call and text on a daily basis, heck my job is in purchasing so people call me all day everyday trying to sell something so its not like I dont talk to others, but......how do I put this, the hole thats missing is that ONE person who cares. I know I felt this way a little before when we seperated years ago, like when my son isnt with me and I go home and the house is empty and you sit all night and the phone never rings you wonder if anyone cares. Truth is thats our own mind doing it to us, of course people care, but we've been in relationships or married so long that we've become accustomed to being 'checked on' and its uncomfortable when thats gone.

I think its much like anything else, you simply move past it and at some point 'this' whatever 'this' is becomes the new normal.

[bustingout]

the hole thats missing is that ONE person who cares. I know I felt this way a little before when we seperated years ago, like when my son isnt with me and I go home and the house is empty and you sit all night and the phone never rings you wonder if anyone cares. Truth is thats our own mind doing it to us, of course people care, but we've been in relationships or married so long that we've become accustomed to being 'checked on' and its uncomfortable when thats gone.

Hi Carnac,

you expressed to a 'T' how it feels for me as well.

thanks.

Busting

[tori2012]

Carnac, I feel exactly the same way...