Tomorrow is a New Day

[hopefulinga]

One thing that helped me was thinking about what my W was actually getting from OM that I wasn't giving her.

I've have thought about this a good bit. We never really talk about relationship issues, so it is somewhat difficult to really get a good picutre of this. Early on in my thread, I posted some of his complaints about me and I've tried to work on those. I've also worked with DB coach on what I was like when we met. I know that POW cannot/is not providing those things.

Since I really don't know a whole lot about her or what has gone on, I have spotty info on what she could be doing. But I am pretty sure that she shows interest in what he is doing, which I have been trying to do a better job of even if I disagree or am not interested. I've also been trying to encourage him and validate him by reflecting back when he mentions a difficult time. I am using a loving voice.

So why would he share pics of his Bahamas destination with her and not me? I don't know I told him I wanted to see pictures and he tells me he is supposed to get some emailed from someone on the trip. No mention of the fact that he already has some of the destination he could show me. I don't think I ever asked where in the Bahamas they went, so maybe I didn't do a good enough job of being interested there.

It is hard to be interested sometimes when I have to pull informaton from him. I know that he is going to a vintage motorcycle race next month, so I may try to talk about that.

Being flirty is a little bit difficult for me, but I am trying. I am also unable to truly play "victim" who needs his rescue. Honestly, I wasn't like that when we met and I think that was part of his attraction to me. Anytime I've tried to be helpless, I haven't gotten a response because he knows I'm capable. However, when we had the D talk, he told me he would give me money if I needed it, so I think that might be the only area.

Last night H came home 15 minutes late instead of 30. Not much talk at dinner, but he did try to talk it up with D16, which is out of the ordinary and I notice he does when things are a little rough with us. He did thank me for dinner and told me it was good.

After dinner, I watched my funny videos and sat at my computer audibly laughing. He just sat at his desk, no reaction. After that, he was organizing his iTunes and told me he was getting music ready for the ride next month and we made some small talk about that.

He stayed up about 45 minutes later than usual doing this, so I know he is thinking things through. He did let me kiss him on the head a few times when I walked by and did not pull away.

Only 2 negatives from him. One, we were talking about his iPhone and I asked him if he wanted me to change carriers when my contract expired and he told me that he didn't care what I did. Two, he had his music blasting and said something that I couldn't hear. So I asked him what he said and I couldn't hear him, and asked again what he said. He got nasty and told me he was talking to the dogs. I told him that he didn't need to get nasty with me, as I truly couldn't hear him.

He did say goodnight to me last night, but I said it first, which is the norm.

This am his back hurt and he is withdrawn. I am keeping my PMA and looking cheerful. He pretty much ran out the door, and said good bye and leaned back for a small peck on the cheek.

I'm sure he's mad at me for yesterday, but I hope that somewhere deep in him he is madder at himself for not being honest with me. I am hurt, but I am not letting it show through.