Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Yes, I thought we were divided into over 50 and under 50. Because I whipped all the other over 50's......
I found out my board was wrong for the conditions, I'm going to rent one of the newer style ones to try out. My board is better for stand up surfing. Which due to how waves break over reefs isn't my favorite spot in the ocean.
I got up this morning and went downstairs in my cami and panties I sleep in. XH was supposed to leave early for work, I thought he was gone. OOPS! I've been being super modest. I didn't run back upstairs, but just fed the dogs, got my tea, heck it just isn't my problem.....
Off to finish conquering the world. I mean to finish a quilt!
Aloha,
Wendy
Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32 D final 9/12 Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
About the time I signed off my computer this morning I got invited to go surfing. So I decided to go. (GAL!)
I took the SUP to White Plains with a couple who are super good friends. I said to them I had never gone ass over tincups before. Silly me, Today I did! I got knocked off the board 5 times total, thought the lifeguards were going to have to come get me. I mustered the strength to turn that darn board over and climb on. Got to shore and pondered kissing the beach.....
And X comes home with the paperwork I need to get the military to pay my half of his retirement to me. He then rushed outside to work on something and talk on the phone with OW.
It irritates the crap out of me. And then made me think of what my friends had to say to me today. They think X or I should get out of the house. They don't think it is good for either of us.
And they both expressed how much they cared for him as a friend and their confusion over this. The wife said she had always been touched by how caring he was toward me. THAT made me ponder (It is a 45 minute drive home from that beach) that my part in this whole thing has a lot to do with my depression issues.
Nice day.
Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32 D final 9/12 Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
You know, your marriage may have gone the way of mine - your undertreated/missed thyroid disease causing your H to see you as lazy, fat, whatever. Thyroid disease is really such an invisible disease, no one who hasn't experienced can guess how much EFFORT everything is when you're sick with it. I know my ex never could understand - and frankly, didn't WANT to understand.
In my case, combine my health problems with H's mood issues and concussions - I suppose it's impressive that we made it as long as we did, with so many good years despite everything.
You can't redo the past - but you're doing an impressive job of making a bright new future - bravo for you.
Every marriage is different, but i sometimes think we tie ourselves in knots trying to figure out our 'contribution' to the demise of our marriage to a person clearly in crisis.
Of course we aren't perfect, but really, does anything explain or justify the way our spouses behave/behaved in MLC? I mean if the marriage isn't great does a functional person actually hook up with someone fairly trashy, behave like a lovelorn teenager, and generally take their life apart - in many cases these people are in their fifties.
If you were watching a movie about it you would be saying 'OK the wife had some issues but the husband is basically nuts [or vice versa] There is a huge difference between MLC marriage breakdown and 'normal' divorce from where I am sitting. My xh never wanted to give our marriage a chance after over 30 years together, and was sure he would be happy with new OW. He wasn't, and is now with OW2 - and guess what, still not happy. Like teh Liz Phare Divorce song - if you leave and are still unhappy you know that the problem is you.
All of our friends were totally shocked by my xh's behaviour to me, his kids and finally to them. They really do change. Reflecting on our part is all to the good, but I am not sure that anything we could have done or not done would have prevented this.
Tonight was just a crappy night. I was informed that OW plans to take legal action against me because she says I have publically given out her name and accused her of hacking my computer. This is the only place I have said that I think it was her. And we all know I never said her name.
I have never even said her name on FB. When all the crap started I unfriended her. That is all. A few of my close friends know her name because she was hanging out with us so much.
She got a job in computer security forensics and is worried I will cause her harm. She says she is turning in her hard drive for her laptop and tower for forensic exam, to prove she didn't hack my computer. I (for some unknow reason) told my X that was pretty funny. When I knew her she had stacks of hard drives and could build computers in her sleep.
I told my X: "I think she does protest too much."
I told X if that is what she wants to to then bring it on. She is a nut. And he is a maroon. A maroon is someone who isn't smart enough to be a moron.
She also claims my sister told people her name and claimed she hacked our Facebook accounts. What my sister did was click the "Share" button under a public post made by OW on FB. The post where OW said "Happy Anniversary" on the one year date from when my sister's H died. A post OW says was taken out of context.
I am sick of all the drama and wish they would all quit. I am trying my hardest to not engage. Easier said than done. My FB page is set to private. And tonight I shared a funny quote from one of my friends. It seemed appropriate at the moment.
It said: "Sometimes.....The first step to forgiveness is realizing the other person....is batchit crazy." Two minutes after I posted that my computer antivirus goes nuts and detects and stops about 90 virius' in a row. I took my computer and showed it to X. All the little screens popping up.
He says: "I know it isn't her because someone is sleeping right now." I said really, how do you know that? He said to me that he knows it and that I don't know anything. I may not know anything, but I know that she is in Askansas and we are in Hawaii and he in fact does not have a clue what she is doing right now.
And he really does call her "someone" when he talks about her. Funny he can't say her name to me. We ended up grumping at each other about some other stuff. And when he told me to go away and quit talking to him I said: "Yes Dear". He blew up and said "I'm not your dear, we're divorced." I said "Yes Dear" because he used the F word about 3 times when telling me to quit talking to him. He doen't curse, normally.
What is funny is this is helping me see the light. Yes Beatrice, he is acting like a lovelorn teen. I just am done in a way I didn't know I could be done. No tears, I'm not really sad, just more astonished that the spew continues from him and her.
Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32 D final 9/12 Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
Wendy, I think the ow is protesting entirely too much about things that she supposedly didn't do. Well, she will need to come up with proof that you did the things that she is accusing you of...there are ways to pull data even if it has been erased from the hard drive and I'm sure she is very much aware of this...
As for your xh, no matter what you do, say or show him, he's always going to defend her. It's the way of the game w/these love sick kids. I'm so sorry all of this is happening to you. I do think that once both of you are out on your own, things should settle down. Right now, she's ensuring that nothing changes in the way that you and your xh communicate. She feels very threatened and doesn't want the two of you to even be friends...sick isn't it? But, she really is threatened by you...
Wendy, take care of yourself and be very careful what you post out in the cyber world...
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Yeah, she's sick and very very very insecure - stay as far away from her and him as possible. And do whatever it takes to get that house SOLD! You definitely need to get out of that nuthouse in order to heal.
I think she's just blowing hot air as regards all the other stuff - your ex probably told her to lay off you and this was her defense.
That's pretty impressive considering you were racing against all ages.