Hi, I tend to agree with Wendy - I think you are a perfectionist, but not as damaged as you think - in my experience really damaged people think they are OK and the rest of the world needs to shape up!
The other thing is that [relatively] undamaged people have very very good radar for damage. They may decide to go along with it in others because they value tthe person [no-one is wholly undamaged] You are an extrovert I suspect and get your energy from others, and stuff going on around you. Recognise that and perhaps stop labelling the need for others as damage. Anxiety is an issue, but there are mechanisms for coping with this.
Let the new guy worry about himself, and you save your emotional energy for you. But I do wonder about your living alone when it doesn't really suit you - it suits your perfectionism [I am being intrusive here I know] In a world of couples, living with friends is considered unusual, but I do think post divorce it can be a life saver, and stop us jumping into another relationship because we are lonely.
Human being, particularly women, are group animals, and we need others on all sorts of levels. There is nothing wrong with that.
