Every marriage is different, but i sometimes think we tie ourselves in knots trying to figure out our 'contribution' to the demise of our marriage to a person clearly in crisis.

Of course we aren't perfect, but really, does anything explain or justify the way our spouses behave/behaved in MLC? I mean if the marriage isn't great does a functional person actually hook up with someone fairly trashy, behave like a lovelorn teenager, and generally take their life apart - in many cases these people are in their fifties.

If you were watching a movie about it you would be saying 'OK the wife had some issues but the husband is basically nuts [or vice versa] There is a huge difference between MLC marriage breakdown and 'normal' divorce from where I am sitting. My xh never wanted to give our marriage a chance after over 30 years together, and was sure he would be happy with new OW. He wasn't, and is now with OW2 - and guess what, still not happy. Like teh Liz Phare Divorce song - if you leave and are still unhappy you know that the problem is you.

All of our friends were totally shocked by my xh's behaviour to me, his kids and finally to them. They really do change. Reflecting on our part is all to the good, but I am not sure that anything we could have done or not done would have prevented this.