Thank you Sandi for your message. I respect the wisdom of your advice.
I started to feel that I missed my H when he stopped pursuing, got a life and seemed happy - not because he started to date OW. The feelings started a good 3 weeks before I knew of OW...But I can't prove that, so it makes things difficult to explain to H.
I admit, the feelings were intensified when I learned of OW and I tried to cut ties and let him go. But he kept asking if I had regrets and eventually, I told him the whole story.
He is also concerned if I "win", things will change and that's one reason he is waiting...I try to remind him that it isn't me or her - it's what he wants...it's not a game! Not for me...
As for the sex, he says that any intimacy he had with OW stopped when we started fooling around. I believe him. He already shared that the sense of passion was missing from new R, so it makes sense.
I've felt that the sex was reminding him of what we used to have... The way we were before "life" got in the way and we didn't deal with it. It's been fun to walk down that memory lane...
I hope that he doesn't see me having sex with him as me being loose or cheap, because it's been amazing.
Plus I asked my IC (and he's asked his) about pursuing this side of our R, both were encouraging. We are still M and sex is an important part of our R that went missing. They warn us, like you and Mr Bond, that it will slow down once we are past this phase, but it's otherwise healthy. So yes, I've been leaning towards their advice more than not. Partly because it's what I want to hear and another part is that I hope they know what they're talking about!
And when he says he has enjoyed NOT doing it, it gives me hope that there can be more. Maybe he just needs more time to heal and to see what I say is what I mean...
