More patience??? Really???

[ces67]

Thanks SAIS & NG,

Today has been a good day overall but physically and emotionally draining.

W and I spent a good bit of time last night in the ER. W was having chest pains. Fortunately it turned out to be nothing serious. But her family has a less than pleasant history with heart issues so we don't take any chances.

So that led us to an MC session in which we were both sleep deprived! In spite of this we had good conversation and I feel fortunate that God has put us with a MCr who my W feels comfortable with and can express truthful observations without coming across as threatening but understanding.

W talked about her emotions around having to get a job and the potential resentment of being less available for the kids. Our MCr made the connection of my W's abandonment from her own childhood as a potential trigger for her fear regarding less time with the kids. There was even discussion about how W was angry that her mom did little to protect her and her siblings from an abusive father and deep down W may fear not being there to protect her kids even though there is no threat.

I had the opportunity to express concerns about finances and needing assistance from W to improve our situation. We both spent time just listening to what the other said.

By the time I got back to my office W called me. She started off by saying that she absolutely trusted me with the kids and while she has fears, she realized they are irrational at times but she wanted me to know that she has no fear of me being with our kids (which is good since there has NEVER been any reason for that). She also expressed anger towards her parents. She has been very purposeful in not using her childhood as an excuse but is realizing through our MC that she truly has been impacted by how she was raised and it is creating a lot of anger for her right now.

She also confessed that she is not doing what she should when it comes to the finances and she wants to do better. Here I reinforced that the past can stay in the past and we just need to move forward with better choices.

I also took the time to reinforce that even though her abusive past may be impacting her negatively, that this was not her true identity. I pointed out the great stuff she has done as a mom and as a friend to others and how she has been a blessing to others. And even though we have some hard stuff to deal with, the good stuff was still there too and it is real.

So it seems some scabs got pulled off some old wounds today. It was painful but also helped air out some wounds to heal more effectively. We shall see. Overall, I think it was a positive day.