Time for an Introduction...and Thanks

[figure-it-out]

Hi Brian,
Thanks for checking on me. Busy weekend/start of the week. Baseball game on Sat. and Sun. Son's team won both though (proud mom), baseball/cheer practice last night and tonight! Overall good weekend.

A few more odd texts from H on Sat. I didn't expect to hear from him at all as S had told me last weekend when he came home H was going to Vegas with "friends" and would not be picking him up this past weekend.
Started getting texts mid day from H asking for a mutual friend's phone number. Gave him number and moved on. More texts asking if S had gotten his jersey/hat yet for baseball. Replied, moved on.
More texts beginning at 7:00pm wanting to know what S baseball hat looked like, how the game was. Replied to that. Then texts off and on until 9:00pm "I'll call S when I land", "I'll look this up when I get to LAX", "I won't be able to do XX until I get to Vegas at 9:00". I know he was DYING for me to ask him about his plans, etc. but I didn't bite! Very proud of myself for that. Not my business although he was sure trying to pull me in.
Haven't heard a peep since...
Sorry to ramble on so much about H but it's just so odd at times. One foot in his "old" life one foot in his "new" it almost feels like.
Enough about that how was your/everyone elses weekend???

[Brian in Hville]

Good for you! You know he is racking his brain trying to figure out what you are thinking!!

My weekend was pretty uneventful. I hired a landscaper off of craigslist. He came by and gave me an estimate of 3 hours (at $40/hr). I thought that was a bit high for craigslist but I went with it. On Sunday, he came by and started at 0800. 4.5 hours into it, he still hadn't done eveerything. I told him not to do the pressure washing anymore. So he charged me for 4 hours, and didn't get everything done. To top it all off, his work wasn't worth $40/hr. I wrote him a review on CL so people know what to expect!

I plan on going out on my boat this weekend if it is pretty out. Not many more outing left in this year. That makes me sad!

[figure-it-out]

Hi Brian,
I'm sure he was wondering what tiny piece of information he could come up with next to get me to ask what he was doing,etc. Oh well. Haven't heard from him since Saturday. Kind of sad. My S has had 3 days of baseball practice since he's been home and he hasn't taken him to one. I'm just glad I can do it.

I agree with you. $40 and hour is pretty steep for a landscaper. I would expect a TON to get done at that rate after 4 hours. I don't blame you for cutting your losses!

I hope this weekend brings you great boating weather! It's supposed to be super hot where I live. Kind of ready for fall myself!

[Brian in Hville]

Back to the top!

Hope your weekend was good. Any texting going on?

[figure-it-out]

Hey Brian!!
Weekend was pretty good. How about you?? Get more landscaping done?
My S had 2 baseball games on Saturday. Felt bad for the kids. It was unseasonably hot. H normally picks up S on Sat. and takes him to his mom's house (where my kids think he lives). Got a text from him around 4 that he was still at work so probably wouldn't be at S game. Got home around 7 and H was there hanging out with our neighbors, something we used to do all the time. It was a good night. Kids running around outside due to the hot weather, nice conversation with neighbors. Very much like old times.
S wanted to sleep outside in a tent with his buddies rather than go with H. I had to work our local NFL game the next day. (I volunteer for my daughter's cheer team, it helps defray the cost of her tuition) so H stayed over as S needed someone to be with him during the day. Bet that wasn't cleared with OW...
No R talk to speak of. He did ask me as he was leaving yesterday if I had heard from my atty. I told him she was going to ask the judge for more time as he agreed to. That was it. Frustrating a bit as it seems so easy for him to slip right back into his "old" life. I sometimes want to ask if it was that bad you felt you had no option but leaving WHY is it so easy to morph back into that role. Can't overthink it I guess.

[Brian in Hville]

It's easy because he is/was comfortable with it. But for whatever reason, he wanted out. We have already established that he wants to be taken care of. Question is, does he care how many people take care of him? Is he cake eating? Probably so.

You just keep working on you. You are doing such a good job. Journal with us as much as you can.

[figure-it-out]

Hey Brian,
Thanks for continuing to check in on me. I appreciate it so much. Yes, I agree with you, he probably is cake eating. I try not to spend a lot of time dwelling on the "whys" of his actions because they truly make no sense to me.
Journaling a bit...
Found out he opened up marginally to the neighbors on Sat. after I went home. Wouldn't come clean with where he is now living but told them the place is "nice" and the person he's living with is in her 20's. Ouch... kind of threw me for a loop. I can understand what the attraction is on his end but have a hard time understanding the attraction on hers. Pretty much supporting a man in his 40's, with 2 kids she hasn't met. Away from her pretty much every weekend and holidays. From past experience I'm sure she's being fed some tall tales. I'm the one holding this up, I won't let the kids over. If she only knew the truth. He will expose himself in due time or tire of her once she starts expecting anything real from him. It's just frustrating and has been on my mind since I found out last night.

My A did have a phone call with the judge yesterday. Our next court date isn't until March 19th. H is expected to provide his preliminary declaration of disclosure though by Oct. 18th. How funny that over 2 years in he still hasn't managed to complete this. Guess it's because he will have to "open the books" so to speak and I will then know about the new credit cards, car he co-signed for with OW and his individual bank account.

Back to me...back to school night with S last night. I had a good time meeting his teachers. Went to dinner after with a bunch of the families in the neighborhood. I love having so many of his friends close by. They're famlies have really become extensions of mine.
Baseball practice again tonight!

[Brian in Hville]

Even though all of this is going by so slow, aren't you glad? Think about it...you have had a chance to better yourself, know you can do anything on your own, and really examine the marriage you had (and know if that is the type of man you want). If it all would have happened quickly, it might have devestated you. Let me ask you one question. Are YOU better off today then you were 2 years ago?

[figure-it-out]

I am glad it's going by slowly. You're right, I don't think I could have handled this if it went quickly. It wouldn't have given me the time I needed (still need) to find out who I am and how I want to live my life.

I AM better off today than I was 2 years ago. I did not believe I would be when I first started lurking on these boards. I felt my life was over and I guess in a way it was. My OLD life was over. I realize that a lot of what I'm doing now, taking care of the kids alone, working full time, planning their activities, famliy get togethers, etc. are things I was doing when my H did live here. The lack of participation on his part has become more magnified.
As he is now, he is not the man I want to be with. I know I need to forge a new relationship with him. I would like to keep the parts of him that were good and kind. Before he started acting so out of character and becoming someone the people closest to him aside from me don't even recognize. I still see glimpses of that man from time to time. I do have to fight thinking he is only acting out of character with me and when he's with OW he is the man he was. Maybe he is, it's not for me to worry about. It just creeps in at times.

How are YOU doing? I've read part of your story and it seems it happened very quickly. How are you getting along these days? Do you interact with your Ex W at all? How i that now?

[Brian in Hville]

My sitch was VERY quick! There were a lot of things I didn't know (and glad I didn't) that would have changed how I did things. I am in a really good place right now. I am single, not really dating much (my choice), but enjoying all life has to offer. I have lost so much weight (and still losing), I bought a boat, and I went camping this year (last time was in boy scouts). I have talked with my ex several times. We've seen each other a few times (at her work and a drug store). She texts me if something is going on that she thinks I should know about (like things with her mother). I am actually going to invite her over next month so she can see the dogs. One of them probably doesn't have much longer so I want him to see his momma and for her to be able to say goodbye.

Looking back at how all the events unfolded, I was blind as a bat as to what was going on. I was so focused on DBing and believing that it was going to work out, I missed easy things that would have changed how I DB'ed. Now, when I am on these boards, I want to make sure other's aren't as blind as I was. Some of the people are so wrapped up in what their spouse thinks, they are missing obvious signs. So I focus on making sure the DB'er works on themselves. As long as you fix yourself and are happy with yourself, regardles what happens with the spouse, you will be ok.

Do you play any of the phone games (words with friends, etc)?