WHG: Waiting out the time before D...

[workinghardguy]

A good weekend and week. Really had very little contact with STBX, actually none come to think about it. Tonight will be the first time I've seen her in... almost a week?

This is probably the longest period where we've had no communication other than she liked a photo I posted of my son on Facebook. I've felt alternatively relieved, upset, sad, and happy about it.

Saturday night went out with friends and glad I did. I still get "jumpy" but again it was good. It was our Meetup group. Smaller this time with new faces but still good. It was funny at the end of the night... I'm so out of practice in the dating world. I found myself flirting and being flirted with by one of the new group members. The football game was over and we had all done a karaoke song so we were getting ready to head out. Suddenly I see the guy across the table ask the gal for her number and she gave it to him. I found myself thinking... why the heck didn't I do that? Dang am I out of practice!

On the drive home though I reflected on that whole sequence. I found myself actually wanting to get someone's number. And not because I'm lonely, but because I really found that woman to be interesting, funny, cute, and wanted to know her more.

I'm fairly confident now that my STBX isn't coming back, or at least not any time soon. Had she not met her guy perhaps but she has and so that "loneliness need" is filled for her. Then again I don't want to just fill that box for her.

This weekend my son and I took a long walk around town. We talked about lots of things. He asked about mommy's new boyfriend (my term not his... he just used his name)... what does it mean "to date"... Asked if he would be his new daddy someday. I managed to answer all of them calmly and without breaking down.
We talked about how I'll always be his daddy no matter what just as mommy will always be his mommy. That it's hard for adults to be alone sometimes, and that mommy is doing the best she can. Man it's hard to distill it down into words a six old will get and not trash your STBX in the process.

He said that mommy is always so sad. And that mommy just hates being alone.

Even a six year old has that figured out.