Tomorrow is a New Day

[hopefulinga]

I don't know whether or not he talked to her while he was gone, and he wouldn't Skype from home. He did tell me that he went to bed before everyone else, so he could have done it then. But I can't worry about that or speculate what happened. My main concern is that he is not being completely honest with me. And he knows deep down that he is not being honest with me.

I let him know yesterday that the entire situation involving her and her exH bothered me and made me uncomfortable, and that I didn't want her to get the idea that he was fair game. He didn't respond to that. However, I don't want to start accusing him of anything at this point. Since the trip is over and the issue that resurfaced last year is gone, I hope the interaction will start to wane. Plus, I don't know which one of them is initating more of the contact.

I am also not at the point where I would threaten to leave. I may get there but I'm not right ready right now. Plus, I think it would backfire at the current state we are in and give him reason to start the D talk again and say "see, everytime you get mad you accuse me of A".

Sometimes I do think he pushes me to see how much I will take and to get me to dote on him more. It is also going to be hard for me to say more than I did yesterday without letting him know that I snooped.

She is older than me but younger than him. This would definitely be a case of "affairing down" as from what he described of her she is less intelligent, heavier, not as attractive, has short hair (which he doesn't like). However, I do think there is an ego boost from the rescuing. She has an 8 y.o. granddaughter that her and exH adopted. Again, I think the inital "I can rescue you" may be attractive, but I don't see him at 56 getting involved on a long term serious level with all of that. Plus he's crazy if he thinks he can support us and her and her kid.

I also think he has the same reaction as you do. I said something last week about him bringing extra BBQ to her and a friend last year and him flying her and that friend to FL last year and how it sent the wrong message to her and he got mad at me. So, even if he is attracted, enjoys the attention or whatever, in his mind, he is not doing anything wrong.

I do go to lunch with friends, but I am also trying to not spend a whole lot right now because of our debt, the uncertainty of the future and the amount of $$ he is spending. I do read sometimes. I've lost interest in TV and movies. Swimming would probably help because it is physical activity.

We did ML this morning. Unless he's really changed over the years, he would push me away if he were truly mad at me.