I think I see the picnic!

[2chiquitos]

Yesterday I learned so much about myself! I truly believe God is helping me to really see myself and improve myself.

I started to feel angry about my sitch. All the lies that H told and continues to tell me. I notice that everyone doesn't dwell on it on the BB as I do. (or so it seems). I have really struggled with the lies.

So I paused the anger and felt it. It hurt so much I felt raw inside. I cried for a while and just felt the pain of being lied to for the past year and a half.

I realized that the anger was masking all the pain and now I know how the lies have affected my recovery.

I want to have a talk with H and ask him to tell me the truth, even if it hurts because I can heal from the truth but the lies are so difficult to recover from. I also know that DB highly discourages this as does Al Anon so what else do I do? To heal from that pain. On the plus side I don't feel as angry today!

Another self discovery! It was my brother's wedding yesterday. I was a bridesmaid and was very involved in the planning and preparation for the day, which meant a lot of time with SIL.

My SIL is a lot like me, a lot!! She has my OCD, Perfectionism, expectations of others, temper. Everything I am trying to correct in myself.

Well yesterday she was very rude to me (and everyone else!) on more than one occasion. It hurt but I finally got a taste of my own medicine.

I immediately felt so guilty for mistreating Frank's sister and mother when I was my old self. I felt so guilty for being so rude to my mother all these years. I cried. I had another Pema moment where I just froze the anger and felt the pain.

This was such a major discovery for me.