Hi all! Thanks for checking in. Things are going fine, R-wise, feeling a little blue with all the snow days and the doom and gloom outside, but the snow is plowed and the sun is shining and that makes such a huge difference. Can deal with the cold, just need that sunshine.
Totite, Our words are (and I don't know why we started with this course, don't even like pb):
Peanutbutter---the other adult is starting to annoy you and it would be best to just drop the subject matter/conversation.
Jelly -- this is a kids' moment and we are doing it purely for their enjoyment.
Fluffernutter -- Call child services, I'm about to kill the kid/kids.
Also, about two weeks ago when I was struggling with H coming back and if this was just a replay of last year I read this in GBT. I have posted it on a few threads today and seemed wise to put it on my own to reread when I struggle again and the book is back at the library! Manisha had brought it up, too, that the WAS can also feel anxiety. Makes it easier when I remember that.
Jackie
This is directly from Getting Back Together, I don't want to screw it up by paraphrasing:
The Ups and Downs of Reconciliation:
3. Fear that the new realtionship will fail
Once burned, twice shy. Even though you love your partner and have been longing for the time you would be back together with him, deep down inside of you there may be something holding you back, something that keeps you from giving your all. You just don't think you could go through all that pain again or survive those long nights alone, and you're terrified of putting yourself in a position to be hurt.
Wanting to succeed yet wanting to protect yourself can create serious problems. On the one hand, it is natural to be afratid of something that has the potential to hurt you deeply. On the ohter, you have to commit to the R totally in order to make it work. Not committing allows you to say, "I knew it wouldn't work out; I was right to hold something back," but it also sabotages the very thing you want most---a successful reunion.
Remember that your partner is also feeling insecure right now. He probably feels the same anxiety that you do, or ever more, if he is the one who left. He may be thinking, "It's her turn now; when is she going to leave me?" Or he may feel that since he hurt you so badly, it's only a matter of time until you realize that he's not good enough for you. The key is not to let your negative feelings and fears overwhelm you and the new love you have.
