Where do I go from here?

[Hopeful84]

So its been a week since my husband's affair supposedly ended. We have been mainly living in separate rooms and taking time to ourselves to just figure things out.

He has asked for time to deal with his issues, and to figure himself out and seek treatment for his PTSD.

We have had several conversations about our marriage and his deployments/PTSD and how they intermingled to get us to the current state. We both agree we are not ready to call it quits, but that we are also not ready to throw ourselves into working on our marriage, he did say eventually if we do decide to stay together, he would be interested in counseling or some form of therapy, even if its reading a book together.

I have had a mixture of emotions, anger, sadness, numbess, that kind of caused me early on to lash out to be upset with him for silly reasons- I wanted to be mad at him so I could ignore him like he asked, but we are still going through an adjustment stage and trying to get used to our current arrangement.

He did tell me he was sorry he wasn't a better man to me and that I deserve better and he wants to figure out what is wrong with him to make him think that was acceptable to do (having an affair). He also told me how sorry he was for talking to me about her, that he realizes now how hurtful that was and that he didn't want to hurt me anymore like that, so suprisingly we have had very little discussion about "her" and if he starts to talk about her, he stops himself and apologizes.

I am pretty much just making my schedule and not really asking him for what he is doing. We mainly talk to eachother at the house, phone calls and texts are still limited and even time together. We did spend the day yesterday going to the reptile show and gun show and grocery shopping, there was no hand holding though, as I don't want to lead him on and I think he feels the same way. I guess for now we are friends, who happened to be married, and take the time to work on ourselves.

I don't know if we have lost our minds, but its where we are. I cannot wait to get my new counselor sessions started. He is going through some major life changes- looking for a job, being out of the military, and I know thats stressful for him, but I know its something he needs to do on his own, with minimal help from me. He says he needs to know that he can do things on his own, that he tooks me for granted because I would offer and he realized he should have done more for himself.

So just checking in... he said he doesn't want to see other people or even be separated because he knows that would mean I would leave, I guess he knew I was at my breaking point. I don't know what it was about last week but he said everything just fell out from under him. He found the pictures on her phone, and he felt like I was giving him the ultimatum to come home and end things with her, and his mom chewed him out for the affair. I wasn't really giving him an ultimatum-- I just sat down calmy with him and laid out the terms of our divorce, I split the bills and gave him a picture of life without me, I even seriously began looking for places to move to, and I was just to the point of saying- be with her and I wish you the best and be happy... I've reached my breaking point. I told him, it wasn't the fact that you had an affair, it was the fact that you took so long to NOT come home, that was like telling me I wasn't worth returning home to, or didn't deserve to be faithful to- and the longer you did it, the more I felt determined that I wasn't enough for you, and I started to accept that.

So again thats where we are..