Tomorrow is a New Day

[hopefulinga]

Had a great coaching call. I feel energized and renewed. And I know what to do when I am being "tested", which is one of the most important areas for me right now!

[mamabird]

He misses you, whether he's saying that on the phone or not.

Glad your call went well. I wish I could do it. I spent too much $ already on another coach who was not DB. It helped but I wish I'd known about DB back then!

[hopefulinga]

I had a really great day with D16. After I got done working, I took her to Walmart to pick up her glasses and get her some ear buds for her iPod. We then set off to do some shopping.

She wanted to go to Starbuck for a birthday cake pop, and I agreed. As I pulled in to go through the drive in, I saw her favorite hockey player, his wife and baby, whom she adores (yes, we have hockey down here). So I parked and told her what was going on.

We spent about an hour catching up with them and D was ecstatic. She got to hold the baby for a little bit and helped to take care of him. We are going to try to go to their house in 2 weeks when H is gone again. I had some much fun seeing them that I completely forgot about H for the most part.

After that, we continued shopping and did not get home until almost 9, which is way out of character. But it kept me busy and my mind off of things.

Although I would rather be in a happier place, I can thank H for helping me reach my goal weight and dropping from a size 10/12 to a 4/6. However, I cannot say I am equally as thrilled with the change in my bra size! LOL!

I did some reading about men who won't say I love you and discovered that even though he won't say it, he still does loving things and still brags about me to others. I talked to one of my former law partners last week and she told me that H told her that I had lost a lot of weight, which is something he has never acknowledged to my face or congratualted me for. I've dropped about 50 pounds from my heaviest state ove the course of a few years.

I decided to call for a coach because I felt my self getting overwhelmed with what to do and needed some focus. While my IC is familiar with DB and the other books I am reading, he hasn't been able to give me specific ideas on what to do. He keeps telling me that I've gone overboard to fix this M and while it works for a while, we fall backwards. I point out to him that some of that is my fault and that I need to change me not matter what happens with H. I cannot drag my crap into another relationship.

As far as the coach goes, he helped me to define what I was like when we met and now one of my goals is to try to recreate that attitude. I am also looking for ways to "put a spark back in my step" so that H will wonder who in the h3ll is walking through the door. He also told me some of the small changes that I am making are working and to keep that up. To keep the smile on my face and to try not to frown.

But most helpful was to get me to understand when I am being tested and to recognize it and not try to defend myself, but to try to joke my way through and not be baited.

[hopefulinga]

Another thing DB coach told me to do is keep a smile on my face and find things to make me laugh.

I have a twisted sense of humor. So, tonight I searched for my favorite TV episode. Whose line is it anyway with Richard Simmons. Guaranteed to make me howl!! I LOVED that show. I'll have to keep watching re-runs online.

I also looked at my 2 favorite commercials. The A certain automotive store with 3 men Commerical with the Moose and a certain beer commerical with the guy twisting to open.

And I've got to remember to order decaf in the afternoon. That coffee at 4 pm is keeping me up!

[hopefulinga]

H will be home sometime this afternoon. He told me Friday about when they would be leaving and I saw that a flight plan is filed. He hasn't not called D16 this am and also did not last night. He is having to use the house phone where he is and I'm sure that's pretty uncomfortable.

It is much easier not to think about him and let my mind wander into other scenarios like it did Friday when I keep busy. Mornings when I am alone and have not heard from him or seen him are still a little difficult. I'm trying to read the paper and do the wash.

I believe today will be ok when we see him. The goal will be to keep the positive momentum through the week and to successfully pass his tests.

[hopefulinga]

H just called to let me know he is back in the US, is grabbing lunch and will be on the way. I told him we would meet him at the airport later. Another small step with him checking in and letting me know what is going on.

I will continue to note the small steps, continue to be upbeat, continue to look good on a daily basis, continue to watch the funny TV re-runs, continue to try to hold my tongue, and will work to become the carefree, adventerous person I once was.

Mentally, I will focus on being confident in my personal life, like I am professionally, and will develop strategies to deal with my insecurities and negative thoughts about H.

[hopefulinga]

D and I met H at the airport when he got back. I really didn't get to greet him because I discovered his car and my jeep had been egged over the weekend.

I tried to make small talk and told him I was glad he was back. He said he did not want to go back. He went to go clean his car and a friend went with him, I walked over there. He started to tell the friend about what went on and was somewhat distant to me.

I did ask him about whether he talked to the woman I mentioned on Friday about the recurring issue that came up and he said he had not and that he didn't really talk to her. He said he talked to her when he saw her and every so often. I told him that I wasn't sure but I knew that they were friendly. He said they were but didn't really communicate. He did kinda stumble aroudn with his words but was not defensive and did not get angry, and I didn't attack or accuse and kept a calm voice. I told him that as long as he was open and honest with me that was all I cared about, and that this was behind us. He asked what that meant. I told him that I though we had put that woman and her exH behind us, that it kept coming up and that it really bothered me.

I am really not sure that I believe what he told me about the level of communication. She clearly knew he was going away and I have to believe she knows about what came up last week. I don't know if he is downplaying this so that I don't get mad or is truly covering something up. Anyway, he is on notice that I am suspicious.

I am trying to believe in him. I do have trust issues and he is aware of that. Even if it were true, I don't think I would be ready to pull the plug. While the M isn't great, I feel like we've been making progress. And I still know that if anything is going on, it's during the day and she works full time and there are no funny credit card charges, etc.

I will not bring this back up to him and will try to continue my PMA. I looked nice for him today, and one of the guys he flew with said something to H and told him how good I looked.

He's out on the motorcycle right now. I asked if he would take me with him and he said no because was going for a short ride to blow off some energy. I figured that is what he would say.

[mamabird]

He's probably tired from the trip. Would you consider making his favorite dinner over the next few days to let him know that you missed him?

Just wondering, why does he have to blow off energy right now?

[hopefulinga]

I'm sure he's tired and in the back of his mind he probably thinks I'm accusing him of something. I just want his honesty.

I did make him one of his favorites tonight and told him we are happy that he is home and we talked a little bit about the trip. I told him I would be interested in seeing the picutres of where he was. I have some other favorites planned for the week. Actually, that's about all I make, otherwise, I get in trouble.

I don't know why he has to blow off energy other than being in the plane for a few hours. I knew that he would ride as soon as he got back. From what I can tell, he was gone about 1 1/2 hours. I think riding gives him time to be alone and to think or just clear his mind. I am pretty certain he is confused about me, and my DB coach said he would be.

I went back to the airport before dinner to drop off some supplies. He was still a little bit distant. I was by myself and he had every oppotunity to tell me to go fly a kite.

So, like Brklyn said on another thread, I need to make myself the prize. Knowing what I know about this woman, no prize.

[mamabird]

Hopeful, do you REALLY think there is something going on with this OW or is it just your insecurity coming into play? The way you've made it sound, it seems like there isn't really anything going on. You've said everyone loves him, so it's natural that other women will be attracted to him.

You are the prize. He's home with you every night, even though he's a grump. You haven't been suspicious of his whereabouts, have you? Sounds more like insecurity to me than hard evidence of anything going on.

This is coming from someone who would stay up VERY late texting and if you ever saw any of that behavior, I would be worried. But it doesn't sound like he's doing any of that.

Not to minimize your feelings. Just trying to help you keep it all in check.