Accepting reality, moving on with my life

[breakdownbill]

After finding out where I stood with my W after the fallout of our argument and subsequent discussions, I feel differently about the whole situation.

Everybody has their own timeline and tolerance levels for what they are willing to take whilst DB'g and standing for your M and I have reached a point where I just don't want this M anymore.

I face the reality that my W is unwilling to end her affair, unwilling to go to any form of counselling whether it be MC or IC, unwilling to commit to working on the M and cannot get past her own resentments for my failings in the M and the guilt for what she has done & continues to do by seeing the OM.

My W wants a trial separation, but she wants it on her terms & this may be a sticking point for me.

This conversation spelled everything out to me that I needed to hear, continuing to stand for this M now is only going to delay the inevitable.

I feel at ease that I did work on a lot of my issues & left the door open for my W to return to our M, but enough is enough & it is time to plan & move on.

I took my wedding ring off yesterday & it is staying off, in my eyes I am now separated.

I know that my focus is now only on myself & my kids, I have an incredibly taxing year coming up, but I need to keep on growing & really stand up & be there for my kids.

This Friday night I had a sleepover downstairs with my 2 kids watching movies & hanging out & this morning I took them to the movies. If one good thing has come through all of this, it is the realisation of just how important my 2 kids are to me & how much I love spending time with them.

I had a busy 1st week on my teacher training course, but got myself out of bed to do 7 miles this morning & feel so much better for it.

I've got lots of UNI work to get through today & this week & I'm going to focus a lot of my energy on this.

This week I am going to speak to my parents about what is happening & I will seek legal advice as to what my rights are in terms of the marital home where both are names are on the mortgage.

I am staying positive, solution focused & going to keep on top of things.

A lot of good people have given me great advice on here & I truly thank them for it. I hope I can still count on some of you guys & gals to help me through this next phase of officially separating.

Bill