Irish - I'm sorry you're in this place. And sorry your ex's affair pulled the rug out from under you financially.
Now, though, is the time to get radical about your future. This may entail some serious out-of-the-box thinking. Read some good frugality websites to give you some ideas. (I like one called earlyretirementextreme - even though it's geared more towards a younger demographic, a lot of the ideas are still applicable to our single/divorced state. And it's a good reality check on how little people actually can live on if they work at it. It's loosely inspired by one of my all time favorite books, Your Money or Your Life.
Another great book is the Tightwad Gazette by Dacyzyn.
I don't know exactly what your finances are like (are you getting alimony? Do you have a job? Will you get equity out of the house when it sells?)
I get the feeling that you have been "stuck" - not just on the abandonment issues, but maybe also stuck, resisting the financial changes coming your way. I know a lot of women try so hard to keep things the same for the kids, they mess up their own finances in the process.
What are the biggest financial issues facing you right now? If you give us some more information, people may be able to come up with ideas for you. Just try not to get stuck, think outside the box.
(Funny, but I just had a version of this conversation today with my best friend. She's an artist and makes very little. She is raising an 11 year old son. She's so terrified by "lack", that she can hardly discuss her finances at all - even though she really needs to take some serious action to increase her earnings and/or lower her expenses. But she's stuck on the idea in her head, that she's an "artist" and can't make more money, and that skipping her lattes won't make any difference, and that only an unexpected windfall will ever change her life. Basically, she's just giving up instead of taking charge.
Meanwhile, I know for a fact that she could cut $400-500 a month out of her expenses without a radical change in lifestyle, and could easily add another $200-300 a month to her income with a little hustle.
