Hi jks - I'm so so sorry that you are going through this. I cannot imagine, because when my h merely suggested ow and my s meeting I thought i was going to die.

I can only offer you what helped me and hope that it can help you too

Just tell yourself to let it go. Literally lean into it and embrace it completely - not agree with it but just god's will.

It's really hard - but the more you fight it the more you will suffer. and when you suffer, then you cannot use your head, then only your emotions are at the top and then you are not taking care of yourself as you truly need to.

actually when i just said, it's ok, my biggest fear is here and i am just going to be okay with it, what's the worst that can happen - i found that it was not as bad as i thought it would feel. jks - i didn't have to actually go through with experiencing it, because my h brought it up and there was time to work with it. but i think that with you if you just tell yourself that this is NOT your worst fear - and i am sure your actual worst fears are much much different from this - this is just your worst fear in this sitch

to accept that it may happen, i had to understand and see that my s was not going to be irreparably damaged if he met ow. face your fear here and see what is behind it. even them moving in together is just part of the script, in a way.

right now, the ONLY important thing is what are YOU going to do about this? when you let go and let god, when you let go and let the universe - only then can good things happen for you - you have to allow that for yourself now.

give yourself that gift - give yourself the gift of imagining what is really good for you. give yourself the gift of saying i can see the forest (my life, ME, what i truly need) instead of looking at the tangled trees (him and ow). make their relationship irrelevant to YOU.

make jks relevant.

I've got a couple of lists on my current thread - if you can go read them - there's one about the 10 things you have to do in order to let go - just start doing them. come over to the goals thread and i'll help you make a list of goals to keep you focused.

now you have to focus - away - to other things and setting some goals will give you a tiny little nudge of encouragement for yourself. you will feel yourself taking tiny steps and that will help you focus and help you feel better.if you can't get to making all this irrelevant, then ACT AS IF you are feeling like that and i promise you before you know it you will feel it.

now will you come sit on the blanket with us, and we'll help you drop the rope, and feed you lot's of booze and i'll bring your favorite dessert, if you tell me what it is smile. you won't feel lonely there because we will all be with you and help you through this

I read today that when you start having faith in yourself, then others begin to have faith in you.

do you have faith in yourself, jks? can you feel it? can you feel the faith that no matter what life gives you, you can handle it? i really really have come to believe that life only hands us stuff when we are ready to deal with it. and when we first get it, we panic because we don't trust that we can handle it.

here is where the trust in yourself has to come to the surface - just tell yourself all day long - "I trust that I can handle this. I trust that i am strong enough to support my babies through this. I trust that i am strong enough to face this"

one thing i didn't notice was whether you and your h prepared your kids for this transition in anyway before they go there tomorrow. if he hasn't, i hope that you will.

jks - i'm around for a bit tonight so if you need someone to talk to i'm here and elsewhere

be kind and gentle to yourself now, and for the coming days - and trust that these strong emotions will pass.

((((((((((((((( ))))))))))))))))
zig