Tomorrow is a New Day

[hopefulinga]

I had a really great day with D16. After I got done working, I took her to Walmart to pick up her glasses and get her some ear buds for her iPod. We then set off to do some shopping.

She wanted to go to Starbuck for a birthday cake pop, and I agreed. As I pulled in to go through the drive in, I saw her favorite hockey player, his wife and baby, whom she adores (yes, we have hockey down here). So I parked and told her what was going on.

We spent about an hour catching up with them and D was ecstatic. She got to hold the baby for a little bit and helped to take care of him. We are going to try to go to their house in 2 weeks when H is gone again. I had some much fun seeing them that I completely forgot about H for the most part.

After that, we continued shopping and did not get home until almost 9, which is way out of character. But it kept me busy and my mind off of things.

Although I would rather be in a happier place, I can thank H for helping me reach my goal weight and dropping from a size 10/12 to a 4/6. However, I cannot say I am equally as thrilled with the change in my bra size! LOL!

I did some reading about men who won't say I love you and discovered that even though he won't say it, he still does loving things and still brags about me to others. I talked to one of my former law partners last week and she told me that H told her that I had lost a lot of weight, which is something he has never acknowledged to my face or congratualted me for. I've dropped about 50 pounds from my heaviest state ove the course of a few years.

I decided to call for a coach because I felt my self getting overwhelmed with what to do and needed some focus. While my IC is familiar with DB and the other books I am reading, he hasn't been able to give me specific ideas on what to do. He keeps telling me that I've gone overboard to fix this M and while it works for a while, we fall backwards. I point out to him that some of that is my fault and that I need to change me not matter what happens with H. I cannot drag my crap into another relationship.

As far as the coach goes, he helped me to define what I was like when we met and now one of my goals is to try to recreate that attitude. I am also looking for ways to "put a spark back in my step" so that H will wonder who in the h3ll is walking through the door. He also told me some of the small changes that I am making are working and to keep that up. To keep the smile on my face and to try not to frown.

But most helpful was to get me to understand when I am being tested and to recognize it and not try to defend myself, but to try to joke my way through and not be baited.