After 18 months - H is finally filing.

[25yearsmlc]

BTW, I forgot to add...

I am not afraid or unwilling to go back to work ASAP. I have always done so and was the sole source of income in our M for two years while H tried to get his business off the ground.


Yes we know. And where'd it get you? I'm a big fan of yours but fear you are about to make a mistake that will cost you time with the kids AND financial security. In theory, If YOU go back to work full time, and earn well, HE can get 50/50 custody AND CS from YOU!



So I will do so. I don't want to sound like I will just sit at home and expect H to solve everything. I just want to first talk to a lawyer to find out the ramifications of it in our future D. My H is very, very ademant on giving me as little as possible in child support and no alimony...


then you'd be insane to rush back to work. HE has the advantage of 2 things. First, he was more recently in the job market and he can return faster, has more recent connections, etc. Second, he has OW and there will be SOME income from her.

OH and BTW, I think he just had a nice expensive weekened, right after losing a job. WTH? So, I guess HE/YOU PAID FOR that (or borrowed from mutually owned accounts??)

Don't pity HIM. He wants to pay you nothing for a 20 year marriage in which you worked and earned a lot which lead you to have a nice lifestyle AND you had 3 pregnancies AND you had the kids and you kept working and that's insane.

AND he wants the kids half time and then they'll live where? HIS job isn't near you now...his job might move northward...ever wonder about that? What's keeping him near you if not his job? The kids? Hmmm, so SHE will move away from HER kids?

Really, I don't think he thought all that out.

Don't repeat history b/c HE lost HIS job and go outside the home to work b/c HE lost HIS job. YOU still have your job, you're a mom.

My question is really more about the D process and hiring a lawyer now...

thanks again!

hire a lawyer now, please. I say this b/c your h is moving full speed ahead w/the divorce

UNLESS he tells you otherwise. LET HIM BRING IT UP, and since he filed and you MUST respond, you must hire a L.

He knows that. If he is so concerned about the costs, let HIM TELL YOU that he wants to hold off on the divorce.

Really, I fear Your concern about finances are outweighing his, and that's odd. It's not good. LET HIM BE A PROVIDER as that is his role, remember?

I often wonder if maybe you took the lead too much...let HIM worry about how HE will pay for HIS 3 kids and ex wife AND his new life. IF he can go to a baseball game and have a great day, that's nice. But don't make that send YOU into a job away from the kids.

He's the one costing the family this money, not you. He can blame you for "not working" (b/c we all know how EASY it is to hang with 3 kids under the age of 5, yeah that's not "work") but down deep, he knows what HIS choices are costing. If not, then he's working hard to avoid looking at that reality.

but it's on him that he left you while pregnant and with a new fixer upper dream home...and lost his job...

and it's on HIM that the divorce costs so much b/c he put you in a position where you have nothing to lose by fighting him, since he's offering you less than the law provides.

I've no idea what he's thinking as to what your motivation is for accepting THAT!.

You want what's best for the kids and your future. That is normal.

He wants what is best for HIM and OW first, and in his mind, then the kids. He wants to give you nothing b/c you gave so much before, and to me..that's selfish.

And so, before you make a choice that will affect you and your time with the children,

check with your L.