I've done everything wrong and need help!!!!!

[25yearsmlc]

[quote=25yearsmlc][quote=KevinScotland]Your reply is the exact reason I asked the question so thanks.

To explain more. Am like the rest of the humans on the planet and I like contact with other people. And as shallow as it seems I like women. Am not meaning sex but more dinner or going to a bar or movie with a female.

Mainly though it's to GAL and appear to be moving on.

I'd hope that my wife would think " hold on, someone else likes my husband. Someone else sees him as the best choice, I don't know if I want him with someone else, he might be happy."


this is all about you. Nothing about OW's feelings. Did you read what I wrote to you?


Am told one minute "stop focusing on your wife and what she's doing and thinking and to focus on me and GAL". As far as I see it going on making friends (male or female) is part of the GAL idea.

Read the first chapters online.

Kevin.

Well you are still making it about your needs b/c you are lonely AND about your wife b/c you think GAL is to appear to be moving on and to get her to notice you.

So it's still about YOUR needs and wanting your w to notice you.

What about the OWs feelings? That's who you missed.

GAL is NOT to appear to be moving on. It's to BE ACTUALLY MOVING ON...or moving forward. It doesn't mean to give up.

But you can't keep looking over your shoulders at your w to check for her reaction, if you want to move forward.

Shut the door, but you don't have to lock it. She knows how to reach you.

My point about dating is how unaware you seem to be, of how you might hurt OW if you use them to get your w's attention...

and to me it just seems so needy. I hope you'll see a Therapist or counselor to figure out why you MUST have a woman in your life.

I mean, how long have you been alone? My husband is presently deployed overseas (crappy timing, I know).

I'm lonely. But I choose not to act on that b/c I am not a cheater. I don't believe he is cheating either.

So, neither of us is so needy that we MUST have someone on our arm or in our bed or we can't feel good about ourselves.

When he left 6 years ago, I was rejected and hurt and wanted to heal.

But I knew dating OMs would be unfair to THEM b/c I'd be using them to soothe my wounded pride and to perhaps make my h jealous.

That's not mature or fair to the Other Person.

Focus on healing and GAL.

GAL is done FOR YOU to be happier and healthier.

It's NOT about your spouse.

It MAY have the byproduct of getting her to notice your increasing detachment and your upbeat attitude,

which GAL helps achieve,

but it's NOT THE GOAL...