What can I say? I go thru the EXACT same struggles as you...
Like you, I fight the anger deamon daily. Like you, I need more patience. And like you, when I react poorly with my kids, I go back to that nasty, nasty thought - "H was right to leave, I am a crazy b!tch."
Time to work on the thought-stopping techniques because you know deep down that this is just not true. I get it - I do it too. It's a defense mechanism to avoid our fear. But we are just self-inflicting more pain to our wounds.
Yes, we have work to do, but we are on the right track and we are NOT going to give up! We will continue working on getting rid of our anger when it comes back! We simply have no other choice - our kids are watching and learning from us.
You know you are a great mother and that you have been a rock for your kids. You also know where your weaknesses are and you know how to overcome them.
Just dust yourself off, and try again. You are only human!!!
We are in a life-long journey and we will succeed - we will break the pattern of anger for our kids. That will be our legacy to them...
In the meantime, I send you more hugs. ((((((BM)))))).
Me & H: 44 D7, D6, S3 Together: 20y, M: 17y EA: 11/13/10, Sep: 12/23/10 EA becomes PA: Spring 2011 H filed for D: 09/06/12 D Negotiating began 2/15 OW seemingly gone on 3/15 Still negotiating D
