Hi guys . After hearing my wife almost pleading last night " i'm trying to do the right thing and finish our M , but you just wont let me go " she was getting a bit exzaperated , i'm left thinking are we on here being mean to try and cling on to our M and should we let them go because we love them , Or do we carry on fighting for our relationships ? Is it fair if the other one really is so unhappy and wants out ? I'm so confused right now .
I've been going through these kinds of feelings as well lately. My meditation Teacher gave me this book to read and there is an 8 week path to peace outlined in it. It asks to focus on each points and churn them over for a week.
The first one is acceptance. It talks about the love, respect and generosity there is behind acceptance. Among other things, it says that the sooner you learn to accept things which are outside of your control, the sooner you can stop worrying about them. It makes a lot of sense so far but I'm still churning it.
When the feeling comes, I think about simply accepting what is going on as out of my control and accepting that working on myself is the only thing I can do right now towards saving my M. It helps me a bit and does stop me from worrying further.
Most of our sitches are spilled milk. No point fussing over it. Let just do what we can to fix it and move on with our day.
Take care my friends and have a nice weekend.
Freshman Class of 2012
M-49 W-42 1D-10 T 10 YEARS M 9 YEARS EA/MLC 07/2010 Separation 28/05/2012 PA confirmed 31/07/12 W Asked for D 31/07/12 D on and off the table since then
Today is a tough day on the old PMA, but after I'm done writing this, I'm going to clean my house, go to the gym and take my doggie up to the park for a while...
Before all that, I just wanted to write a bit/journal. Woke up from a dream about W missing her more than usual. The sting of not hearing from her for more than 2 weeks is tough today, especially since our respective colleges are playing each other in football... something we surely would have been enjoying greatly today...
I have a big time urge to reach out to her today just to say hello, but I know it's not a good idea and I won't be doing it... Still, it's so hard to not reach out knowing how angry she seemed the last time we talked a couple weeks ago.
Well, that's enough complaining for the day. As per usual, I miss her, wish she was working as hard for our M as I am, and would really like to see some sort of progress... but I'm going to go GAL, keep busy, and look forward to tomorrow, which will certainly be a better day.
It's been a quiet weekend on this board. I hope everyone is ok. Have a nice week!!
Freshman Class of 2012
M-49 W-42 1D-10 T 10 YEARS M 9 YEARS EA/MLC 07/2010 Separation 28/05/2012 PA confirmed 31/07/12 W Asked for D 31/07/12 D on and off the table since then
Hey Arsene. Thanks for checking in. I had a pretty good weekend, catching up with friends visiting from out of town on Sat. Night and then watching the games with family and friends all day/night yesterday.
I still get these terrible feelings and heartbreaking loneliness the day after these "get my mind off it" types of days. It's stung a little more today than usual, as I spent most of the day yesterday with someone who used to be a mutual friend, but has stopped talking to W and is very upset with her actions. While it was sweet to hear the support for me, it saddened me to hear it at the same time... I found myself asking her to not dislike W for her actions, trying to explain that I think she's going through extraordinarily tough and trying times... basically defending W... but my friend wanted to hear none of it and kept asking how I could keep holding on. I simply reiterated my stance, that I love W and hope that things can work out in the future, but I'm not just going to wait around and hope she comes back...
Anyway, woke up this morning feeling pretty sick, so I've taken the day off work. But this big, quiet house keeps whispering W's name, reminding me how long its been since we've talked.
I realize I'm doing a lot of complaining on these boards lately, and for that I apologize. I'm just not sure what else I can do sometimes to get these feelings off my chest. Plus, its always nice to get reassurances that me not reaching out is a good idea, that I don't have to call her to tell her I miss her but can't be her friend as long as OM is in the picture... While taking NO action is the best action, it's hard some days to just lay back.
Mondays are tough, Alkaline. I think that we get ourselves ready to deal with the weekend and we go out and have a great time, forget about things... Mondays the reality creeps back in.
Don't apologize for expressing how you feel. reading your post this morning made me feel not so alone in these feelings.
hope you find a good way to care for yourself today
((((((( )))))))))
Me(f): 51 W: 41 DP:8 M:3 T:10 "W not happy" 7/11 D final: 8/13
I realize I'm doing a lot of complaining on these boards lately, and for that I apologize. I'm just not sure what else I can do sometimes to get these feelings off my chest. Plus, its always nice to get reassurances that me not reaching out is a good idea, that I don't have to call her to tell her I miss her but can't be her friend as long as OM is in the picture... While taking NO action is the best action, it's hard some days to just lay back.
Thanks for reading!
Alk,
No apologies necessary. It's always best to do your venting here, anyway -- rather than to your wayward wife!
Please know that even though some of us don't always post, we ARE reading along (at least I know I am).
Thanks Starsky and Needgrace. It's heartening to know that you guys are here supporting us all through these tough times. It's tough stringing together a few good days then sliding back to where I am today... wanting to reach out, wanting to start some kind of dialogue, just wanting to hear her voice or read her words (not counting the strictly business emails she'll send about progress with the work she's doing with my company)...
But I'll be fine, and I've got a great support system right here!
Journaling today, but it'll be a short one, as nothing much has happened in the way of the sitch. I spent most of the day and night at home sick yesterday, but rallied to get to work today. Still feeling a bit under the weather, but better than yesterday.
One interesting thing happened last night/this morning... For our 1 year anniversary, I created a blog for W which detailed tons and tons of things that I love about her and us. Each blog post included a picture, a video, or a story which we shared and was very unique to us. She told me many times how sweet it was and how she hopes I never stop updating it... Clearly, after the whole WAW thing happened, I haven't updated the blog. However, when cleaning out my email's spam filter, I noticed that I've been getting updated "Traffic" updates on the blog... Well only two people in the world know about the blog, W and I, and the URL is really convoluted, so I was interested to see that on Sept. 3 (or three days after our last, kinda toxic, conversation and one day after she returned home from her vacation with her family and OM) she spent about 30 minutes looking through the site... I guess I'm not as "Out of sight out of Mind" as I feel sometimes...
I guess it was nice to see, but that obviously doesn't change anything. I'm keeping up with my "Going Dark" plan, continuing to GAL, working some of my 180s (while others are already natural to me) and focusing on how to keep bettering myself and stop spending so much time missing W. Some days I'm better at that than others!
