I think I see the picnic!

[2chiquitos]

Tonite I went to my brother's rehearsal dinner. I've been avoiding family gatherings unless they are necessary. My family makes it obvious how they feel about H. And although I've made it clear to them that I want them to keep their opinions to themselves, a comment always creeps up.

Tonite my sister asked me, why don't you go on welfare? I wasn't offended at all but was honest and said, I own 3 properties, I don't think I can (nor do I want to). She obviously said this because my mom has told her that H n I are tight with money.

SIL commented that she heard they go after the father if we're separated and my sister added, yeah take his money (but in a not so nice way).

I got up and said, Ok I'm leaving now. I wasn't rude just got my things and kids and left. I don't need to be there.

I'm frustrated. Pema said that people don't "make you feel a certain way" but I can't help to find other words to describe it. I feel like she made me angry. My friend made me angry. And when I get this ugly feeling I start to think about my sitch and I get so angry at H and fall into self pity mode!

The first thing I can think of is get up and move to a different location. I've journaled my feelings now on to another strategy to change my thinking. Next, read my meditation books. I would like to call someone but it's almost midnite here so I guess journal again?

This morning on my way to my D1s Parent Ed class I was crying and felt down going into the class. The minute I participated in discussion I snapped out of it. I think I found the cure to my depression. Talking to others about things unrelated to sitch.

Now how do I get the antidote at midnite????