Bklyn Still Here P2

[BklynMom]

Omg!! I totally lost my cool tonight on my kids and need to type it out. It sent me spinning.

I have been working again full time for the past month. But the freelance job I took has a lot of days built in that I can work from home. Today was the first day I took advantage of that and it was not successful.

D2 was in daycare for a few hours and I had a sitter come to be with d4 for a few hours while I worked at Starbucks.


It took me an hour to get out of the house because I didn't want to leave when d4 was in hysterics so I was gentle leaving. My gentleness took an hour! By the time I left I just needed to walk it off for a while.

But the emails from work were fast and furious by this point. I spent nearly 4 hr working in Starbucks while feeling like a slacker cause I wasn't in the office and a jerky mom cause my kid was upset when I left.

Afternoon with the 2 of them was no better especially since the work emails kept coming (honestly it was supposed to be a quiet day at work, ha!)

Dinner, bath, done.

Thought I would let the kids watch extra tv and fall asleep in sleeping bags in living room. I thought this would be easier ten the usually bed time routine. I was so so wrong.

By 9p I was just yelling at them head down- eyes closed. At least 1 was having a tantrum for the next hour.

Not to mention my tantrums

These instances really confuse me. I feel like when I loss my cool it proves that my h is right that I am a crazy b!tch. If I could just get my sh!t together he wouldnt have left his daughters . This is all my fault.

Then in a split second I spin

I start thinking raising kids is soooo hard how dare the bastard leave us.

Writing this out is helping. I am off to sleep.

Thanks guys. This board keeps me strong
Thankfully