So on vacation and once again H is blowing up my phone ordering me not to use the card because I am putting us into overdraft!! I used the card to buy some drinks for my kids and some toothbrushes for the kids since somehow I forgot the bag with that stuff. I haven't even spent $20 but yet it is my fault. He is crazy!!! He even went on my phone account and changed the email and password. Only way I know is that I got a text from the phone company tling me someone changed the account and it wasn't me.
He demanded I call him about the account and I did. I listened to him for about 5 minutes and he tried to pull me into a fight. I finally told him I am not using the card so get off my back. I am not listening to this baloney anymore and please stop harassing me. He said I haven't harassed you I only called to talk to the kids. I said you have called me 2 or 3 times today left me 2 voice messages and sent numerous texts. Please let me be. He denied contacting me so much.
Seriously I am starting to think I am going crazy. I am also starting to think he is trying to leave no money for me to do anything with. But there is enough for his OW. Am I missing something here?
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
wishing, You are not missing anything...welcome to the world of MLC! He's trying to control you and what you do. He wants to know your every move and he can't do that if he's not in contact w/you and tightening the purse strings.
When he's spewing like that, change the subject! Talk about how much fun your children are having and how nice the weather is...you have to learn to throw him off his game.
He's an angry man because he got what he wanted and he's still not a happy pod person. As for the ow, sure, he'll always have money for himself and that ow. Upon your return home, start squirreling away a little bit of cash for you and the children and when you have a nice little pile, treat yourselves to a nice outing or something...that way he can't justify his actions w/you spending money.
Where there is a will, there is a way to get around an MLCer!
Enjoy the rest of your vacation and don't allow him to ruin it!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Back home from vacation. Well at my mom's house anyway. Had a wonderful time. Kids did too. So thankful to have such a wonderful and caring family. I thank my lucky stars for all my blessings. H's world may be crumbling but every step I take I see more and more people who care and are rooting for me. Gives me inspiration to go on even when I feel like giving up.
Btw H called me only once yesterday to ask me about the dog boarding place. Seems he called and had to leave them a message because they didn't answer and that concerned him. I told him they will call back if you left a message. I don't know if he is super paranoid or if he is just coming up with stupid excuses to call me. I just laugh all the same. Not really looking forward to going back to crazytown. But something tells me that even when the D is final H is not going to just go away.
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
So much for relaxation. I found a pile of bills in H's room. He told me they were not my concern because they were in his name only so I was to not touch them. I also found statements for our joint checking account and joint credit card. He got a new insurance policy in his name only for his car and our camper. I also got a letter from the bank that he took out a loan for $10,000 and opened his own checking account. Nice. So he maxs out our card so he decides to open another card. When I confronted him about it he denied it.
I will talk to my lawyer about this. I think he is in contempt of court with this stuff. Is he just trying to make me crazy??? I can't believe he would treat me like this after all we have been through. That hurts. I am just keeping on one step at a time!!
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
So I have not posted for a while. It's getting really ugly here in D land. H is very very angry and just chastises and berates me for everything. He even asked me if I was out of my mind for using the credit card? Hey, it's my card too jerk. Let's not talk about the thousands of dollars you racked up on your girlfriend. So that did not get a reaction from me so he tells me I will be served with papers because my attorney did not respond to his in a timely manner. I know it has to do with finances because he does not want me having ties to the money and he says I am keeping him from speaking to the kids. I know this is all retaliation for taking him to court and saying he cannot have the kids around OW. I have made life very difficult for him. Now he is mad and I don't know how much more craziness I can take. I am scared he will take my kids and leave me penniless. I know I am jumping to conclusions, but I saw how evil he got with his ex so I have no idea what I am in for. I need encouragement and help.
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
wishing, They do tend to get rather ugly once they are pinned to the wall. You have to stay strong, do not back down when he's spouting threats.
When it comes to money, they really do go off the deep end about us spending what they think is their's. Document your expenditures so that you have a record just in case your lawyer requests it.
Your lawyer is there to take care of you. As for responding in a timely manner, that is between the two lawyers to hash out...not you and your h.
Take a deep breath and stay strong...if he threatens you, advise your lawyer as soon as possible.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thanks Snodderly you are so wise. Thing is I really do not spend much money. What I spend is on the kids. I rarely buy anything for me. He is desperately trying to catch me doing something wrong. But he's having a hard time at that.
Speaking of wrong I found out today another lie. He told my son he was going on a business trip to New Orleans. Hmmm...didn't know he had clients down there. Odd that he would travel domestically over a weekend too. So I called a friend whose husband works with mine. Turns out his out of office message says he is on vacation. And he gave my kids such a sob story this morning about how sorry he is to miss their soccer games and crap.
This man is so unattractive to me now. The other day I was looking through old pictures. I don't even recognize that man now. He is gone.
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
Wishing, Before I read your posting, I had thought about the money issue and was going to say, he is projecting on to you what he's doing and sure enough...he is! He is blaming you for spending money and yet, he's going to New Orleans for the weekend.
Mlcers tend to project on to the spouses what they are doing or have done, hence the spending of money is the only thing he thinks he has on you. I hope that you are not constantly defending your spending to him...if you are stop right now! You know what you are doing is honest and correct for your children and right now, that's all that matters. I would sit down and make an expenditure spreadsheet so that you have proof of what you spend on your children. You may need this down the road for proof if you are questioned about it by your lawyer.
For now, think of something fun to do this weekend. Leave your h out in the wind to twirl around like a top.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
It is much easier to see thier garbage once you clean up your own.
Hang in there.
My H is doing the same thing with me. He is spending thousands!! on trips etc and mad it me for spending money on our daughters. Ignore, record and protect yourself
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
Thanks everyone. He is crazy. It makes me mad that he looked our kids in the face and told them how sorry he was to miss their soccer game because of his business trip. Bull. How can you lie to the kids like that and live with yourself?
My counselor recommended a book to me. "Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men." I ordered it on Amazon and looked at the inside the book. Fits to a T! I would highly recommend it to anyone going through what we are.
I just want a normal boring life with my kids and a man who loves and respects me.
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
