I feel like she was my one chance at a life filled with happiness and someone I could share the rest of my life with.
The only way a reconciliation can work is if the LBS understands where the WAS is coming from, because until then, they can't begin to correct the situation. As much as you look at her as your chance at a life filled with happiness, she is looking at you as a guarantee of a life filled with misery. I can tell you from personal experience (I have 4 steps) that being a second W is very hard. However, the exW alone is not enough to tear apart a strong second M. What I'm reading in your posts is that YOU weren't there for her. You didn't protect your honeymoon. You didn't connect with her boys. You still seem to be very focused on you and spending little effort truly understanding how difficult it has been for her. You are hoping that she sees what she's doing as a mistake, yet if I were a friend of hers, I would be advising her to run as far and fast as she could. Just reading your situation makes my heart race.
I don't really look at her as being codependent either. I don't think she stuck by it long enough, and she removed herself by her own decision when she had had enough. I think when you love someone, you want to do things for them, and if you believe that they love you, that they'll do things for you too. It's simple give and take. When she ran out of patience waiting for you to fulfill your end of things, she stopped and left. I consider that healthy, not codependent.
