I decided to create a new post here to get some advice on a new situation that began developing last night. Thankfully, it has nothing to do with MY sitch, so I decided to keep it separate from my other thread.
Last night, my little sister (28) called me to explain that she's incredibly unhappy in her marriage and has left her H (who I'm very close with as well). She didn't go into too much detail, but spoke in generalities about how he's not fulfilling her emotional needs as he's a very introverted "let it roll of my back" type of guy while she's very high-strung and high maintenance.
If the story would have ended there, I would be pretty comfortable with how to respond... However she brought up something that has me at a loss for how to proceed.
She went into a story about how an old friend of hers from when she was in college recently reached out to her via text-message and they've been flirting back and forth a little bit. She claims that she decided to go ahead and try to set this guy up with one of her friends instead of allowing the flirtation to continue.
However, here's where the story get's pretty shady. She told me that her H discovered the text messages last week and confronted her about them, asking why she was sending sexually charged texts to another man, along with pictures of certain body-parts (without other identifying features). My sister claims that it was her Friend (the one she's trying to hook up with this guy) who was sending the texts and pics through her phone and she had nothing to do with them.
I don't think I have to tell anyone on these boards what a load of hooey that sounds like... My sister is steadfast in denying that she sent any of these texts and claims that her H believes her, but I find both of those statements hard to believe.
My Sister moved out of her house to stay with our Dad recently... so she's become a WAW, and she's asking ME for advice! I have no idea how to react to this, as I'm dealing with my OWN WAW and find it very hard to relate to what she's going through... If her H reached out to me (which he probably wouldn't, as he's a very private guy when it comes to things like this) I'd have plenty of advice for him... but I'm not sure how to console or guide a WAW... even if she is my sister.
Any ideas out there? All I was able to say last night was to suggest that she be very open and honest with her H about what's going on, about her unhappiness, and about how serious the situation is right now. I told her that being open and honest about all of this would be a great first step toward figuring out what to do and where to go. I suggested IC and MC and the 5LL as well... Is that enough? I'm dealing with plenty of my own issues right now, but don't want to let my issues stop me from helping family members in need...
Yeah, I think your instincts are right, she is her "friend" and she sent the photos. She's engaged in an EA which as we all know is a classic trigger for a WAW to walk. I think you should recommend DB/ DR to her husband, but not to her (sounds like you're thinking along those lines). I would try to talk to her and explain that the EA may seem fresh/ new/ exciting, but that's just the temporary dopamine rush everyone gets from a new relationship. It's easy to idealize an EA and make them out to be the perfect person, but they absolutely are not. EVERYONE has their faults. Having said that, she's unlikely to listen to you. She's caught up in the emotions of it right now and logic and reason aren't going to affect her decision. Still, it's worth a try. Just talk to her, listen to her, be there for her and for her H. Don't take sides, try to help them both through this. Although you're going through it as well, you've learned enough to counsel them. Good luck!
Perfect Bond! I did tell her to get back home and be open and honest. I find it hilarious that she called me asking for advice though, as she knows damn well exactly the situation I'm going through.
Well that was pretty easy. I called yer again yesterday and told her she needed to get home immediately and sit down to talk with her husband...
She called me this morning, thanking me for the advice... Telling me her H told her that if she didn't come home last night, he'd have though she left. They've both agreed to begin counseling IC and MC...
