As always, thank you all for keeping me sane when I begin to go crazy. I was reading Getting Back Together, and these thoughts seem normal, but one piece of advice was to take it one day at a time and the past is past. I can't sit on the fence and make alternative plans while trying to get back together. So I need to trust that the statement he made is true. What do I have to lose? If he bugs out on me again, so be it, but if I accept it as true and it happens, then we all win.
Ellie, I think this is time for the act as if and make his mood match mine. I have done it a few times, but I begin to slip back into old habits. A new R is what I think we both crave. I've been fearful to get excited about vacation plans, scared that what happened last time will repeat itself, but I think I'm going to join him in making the plans and get excited about them. Expect positive results, not negative.
Steve, I've missed you! Thanks for always boosting me up. I need to remember what he said and trust that it isn't just words, but that he will work at this. I'm probably a bit impatient, I think we've been at this for so long, but what is another year? Maybe less, if we are lucky.
Totite, I have read DR, not DB, and I have told him that. I'm getting a copy of DB to see what it says, how things are phrased and I like your idea. I am stressing about the small things, need to let them go and enjoy what there is.
Pam--Hi! I'm going to try and do it.
KAW, don't you love the twist, he telling me all about DB! I don't know how involved he thinks I am with it, but he knows I've made friends here. And I like that his therapist likes the book, that sounds so promising. The last time we tried therapy, the T said she hated the book. I need to engage him in conversation that hunts for solutions and nuture the things he is doing.
Manisha, you always have such great insight. We talked about the weekend and he has the same fears I do, he thought I wasn't having a good time on Friday and his mood changed (though, I would argue that one, but I didn't). I need to trust him to find his way back, I think that is great advice. I have to choose to trust him to do the right thing.
Oh no, Berto, you think he can be backsliding already! Or possibly it is me backsliding.
Nik, I have to continue on the get a life routine. My current life is so caught up in kids and house, that I really don't have much of a life outside it.
Mockers, If he has a desire to try, than I need to focus on that, not the fears I have, but the postivies we are expericing.
I am still so fearful, he came for dinner last night and we talked a bit about the weekend, he took some of the clothes he had brought here back to his place. He is going to stay there the next three nights and then we planned a family activity for Thursday night. He invited me to his T session next Wednesday. Very keen to meet the T. I know he is trying, but when he smiles at me or says ILY, the smile doesn't reach his eyes, it seems flat, forced. Where the earlier part of last week, it wasn't. Are these fluctuations normal? Will there be a period when I'm confident in what he says is so?
I need to let go of my "here we go again" mentality if this is going to work. I was upbeat when he came over for dinner and had music playing and did my best to be positive.
