I am wondering, and this might be a question for a WAS, how come I can have a friendly conversation on the phone with my W, and when she drops the kids off 20 min. later she seems cold towards me?
Perhaps the conversation with you is simply easier on the phone. Perhaps there was someone close by and she didn't want to sound to them as if she was being rude. Are you seeing her in person because she's dropping the kids off? That's not fun. Perhaps something happened between the call and meeting up that had nothing to do with you. Don't try to mind-read. She'll likely tell you if she has something to say.
I'm not aware of phases that a WAS goes through, as evidenced by the fact that the situations culminate anywhere from full reconciliation to full D. I believe, for the most part, the phases happen before the bomb is dropped. Some people have signs, some don't. By the time the bomb is dropped, the WAS has had time to run through all the phases, and sometimes it's a LONG time. As opposed to the LBS that gets blind-sided and then has to deal with it all pretty quickly.
I would like to ask you about your 180's. If you've read the book, you know that has to do with addressing/changing the things that she has had issue with. I don't believe I've read anything in your posts that indicate you even know what those are.
And as far as her saying, "I miss you," it certainly messes with your mind but it also makes a bit of sense. I relate it to someone having to decide to amputate a limb. The person might realize it NEEDS to be done, but that doesn't make it any more pleasant of a decision. Now if there's a lot less pain afterwards, that's when the "missing" stops. You want to create a situation where it is not less painful when you're gone.
