Wow - so many positive things have happened since you last posted!
I can understand how you must be feeling so tired - mental exhaustion is probably and understatement for where you might be right now...
It is so hard dealing with the way that your P's act when they are confused and hurting. It is even harder when we are confused and hurting ourselves.
Here is something that really helped me when I was DB'ing. When I was talking to Michele about my tiredness and frustrations during one of my sessions with her - she said that The X was probably feeling the same way I was. I know it sounds so simple - but it was so true. After that when I felt scared, anxious, tired, weary, frustrated, at my wits end - I reminded myself that The X was feeling the same way. It helped me understand where he was coming from and manage my reaction to his behaviors.
Hang in there Jackie. Your H loves you and wants to be M to you. I know it looks like he is making a lot of meaningless detours in trying to come back to you. But he has to find his way back to you on his own. Trust him and give him the time, and space he needs to find his way back to you.
Meanwhile, make sure that you take care of yourself, your own PMA and detach from your H as much as you can. The hardest part about DB'ing for me was the amount patience and endurance it required.
{{{{{{{{Jackie}}}}}}}}}}}
BTW: If your H is really receptive to DB'ing, you may consider scheduling a session with Michele herself. She is surprisingly affordable. You do the first session face to face and then follow-ups via phone. She sometimes sees each P individually first. You and your H (if he decides to participate) are welcome to stay with me - her office is just a few hour from where I live.
