New thread, some background and then the new stuff:
Background:
H 38, Me 37, boys 4 & 7, Married 1988
Fall 02, H travelled tons, I thought he should be home/with boys more--nagged/cold shoulder/angry with him--all backfired, 11/02, tells me he wants D. He gets phone calls on his cell that he suddenly must take outside. Snoop only once, woman's name he works with. He found out I snooped--ugly scene
11/02 Join this BB as JackieH, but change name as too obvious in case he snoops
Winter 02/03---see MC, she's not great, but gets us through worst part. I DB butt off. H tells me that I was so miserable last fall that drove him away, likes my disposition better now.
Spring--I get my first ILY. Still very infrequent. He rates our M as a 6 out of 10.
Summer--He plans mystery family vacation to CA, great time, the two of us go to Europe together, wonderful.
Mid-August--H talks about cruise for our 15th anniversary, has been a bad year. Book tickets to Orlando for family vacation. He turns 38. Becomes miserable. Tells me it isn't going to work, he doesn't love me, good times aren't enough, doesn't feel like shouting from roof top that he loves me, feels empty inside. His life is half over and he doesn't want to spend the second half wasting it away with me. Mystery phone calls begin again.
9/5 -- moves to a hotel for 10 days. Decide not to tell parents anything.
9/18 -- home, but apartment hunting. Finds apartment, should be ready mid-October. Has not put money down yet, as far as I know.
10/8 -- He backs out of Disney vacation that we planned in August--he had told me then that we deserve to go have fun as we have had a rough year. I take kids alone.
10/15 15 year anniversary
11/3 Tell kids Dad will be moving into own townhome. They are excited at the prospect of hanging out with Dad without me around.
11/5 He moves into his new home.
11/7 He comes over while I'm gone and clears out all his stuff.
11-12/2003 He begins to see a therpaist. We spend T-day apart. For Christmas he spends Christmas Eve here and we do just our family thing. He invites me to his family X-mas. I go, it is weird, but I survive. The kids and I go to Germany on xmas day and stay 13 days. My kids and my nephew spend a good part of the visit fighting and the visit is very stressful. I try to not be upset when I talk to H on the phone about my vacation, but he knows it was tough.
Tuesday--H picks the kids and I up from the airport. Very excited to see us. He says he has some papers for me to go through, I thought they were just mail. Started going through, it was a letter to his property manager to end his lease 3/6. He also had done some research for us to take a vacation in May together. He said ILY and that he had spent 2003 trying to break us apart and wanted to spend 2004 putting us back toghether.
He spends the night and we talk, the T he sees recommended Divorce Busting and he tells me some of the ideas in there! All is wonderful, he is happy to be around us. Spends the next couple of nights here.
Friday--Pinewood Derby race for son, our car has a bit of problems, I try to varnish it and the paint is sticky and fingerprints, the wheels rub, just an awful thing. S is disappointed his car doesn't look good and it ran badly on the track. We are all dissapointed and the happy atmoshpere of the week diminshes. (H is very competitive)
Saturday--The race, S is first to be eliminated. He wants to stick around to see his friends race, but H wants out of there. We go shopping and just can't seem to get the mood back. H is aggravated with kids and day just doesn't have a good feel to it. He spends the night, but wants to go to bed at 9, not interested in doing anything in the evening.
Sunday--we do church, H still not in good mood, I'm feeling anxious, is all the hope of the week going to be thrown away? He stops initiating ILYs. He still isn't wearing his wedding ring. I need to work, he takes the kids to the farm show and they spend the night at his place.
He makes comments about if he is here that night (when talking about the week), I asked his schedule of when he'd be staying here and when at his house, as he said he wants to spend some nights there, but he just says he doesn't know.
I feel if everything isn't perfect, he is going to bolt. I don't know if I'm just being jerked around. He was so excited on Tuesday about his goals, but I don't know if the reality of us being back and the kids being annoying just was too much, that he conveninetly forgot how hard being a parent is and he is gone.
I want reassurances from him, but I know not to ask. But the pit in the stomach is back. The tears are back and I'm just tired of picking myself up again and again.
