Snoddery I have simmered down.... Trying to wrap my head around this. Guess this explains the doing stuff around the house and being nicer to me..... I'm guessing the whore is someone he works with and if it's who I am thinking of she's married too! And she older then me possibly older than H. The e-mail I read about the zombie run said he sent it to this woman and she was going to run and he was going to be a zombie so he could chase her and bite her! His dumb sisters response LOL ok better make sure she has all of her shots first. WTF is wrong with people!!
Right now I will continue to wait...... Pray...... Think..... Process... Make it through the day at work.... I spend half an hour on the phone with my pastor, he prayed with me. That helped me feel a bit better. As each day passes I think is this really my life, has my husband really lost his mind, is he really betraying me like this..... yes.... Is the unfortunate answer..... Where do I go from here?
Ignore it. Comes to terms within yourself, realize and accept that this part of the journey's replay phase. Then ignore it.
If you make a big deal of it, it will probably only push them together more strongly. If you flip sh!t on him, you will justify everything in his mind most likely, and make the OW more attractive. Try to think of it as a drug (which its similarity to how drugs alter the body and brain chemistry is remarkable..). OP is a symptom of the disease...
I would get some boundaries lined up and ready if it is what you think, though...for example, I had to tell W that the computer and webcam was NOT to be put in our bedroom, and that I would appreciate her turning off her speakers so I didn't have to listen to the IM chat notification sounds (they still cause me to cringe and can bring up anger, sadness, humiliation feelings, even though I know its the kids on fb and not W on yah00).
Really dig into the posts here on this topic, even over in infidelity section...lots of wisdom and coping strategies. I would also check out this ebook that really helped me with W's 1st phase and old high school bf affair...google "breakfree from the A" ...helped me have understanding, and strategies for the different types of A's.
I learned the same way you did to not snoop, not good for US...what bothered me more was the emotional and "trying different personas" things, much less than the physical.
Hang in there! Keep posting, get it out here.
T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
"It's just SHALLOW, teenager brain infatuation, not deep, mature love"
"This too will pass, OM will show his true self and it will end" (and they did, btw)
Stay steady, be the last one standing, true to yourself...whichever way things go...you will know you did all you could, which will be very valuable at the end of the day for inner peace, regardless of any outcomes.
You are great!
T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
Hrm, just wanted to pitch in, I'm so sorry you had to see that email. I'm so glad you have a support system in place so you could speak with your pastor and he could pray with you.
T^2 & snodderly give good advice.
I like the "be the last one standing".
Thinking of you today, rH
Me54/H47 '08 H is "done" March '12 H moved out Brink of D, December '12 2014 totally reconciled! ...... "I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal." Jim Conway
RH~ Thank you! I always appreciate words of support.
T~You truly are a wise man, thank you so much, everything you have said has helped me so much! "be the last one standing" really spoke to me.... it's hard, but it's what I want to do (and I think being called to do), obviously or I wouldn't be here, my safe haven for venting. I am doing my best to ignore and am all rainbows and sunshine today.
I'd just like to say God never ceases to amaze me in His perfect timing (yet I still have a hard time waiting!). I had so much support yesterday, it was just what I needed. I talked to a few friends, my pastor and I had counseling already scheduled for last night, so that worked out. I told my counselor I needed talked down. When I told him about the e-mail he just looked at me and said, yeah, so? I said um, that's not my name. He told me I over analyze too much (duh! I think we all know that by now) and to remember H is living in a fantasy world right now. He may be reading things into stuff and he may be doing gorilla chest pounding to his family to prove something to them..... valid points.
After that I went to church, which I haven't done on a Wednesday night yet.... honesty haven't done that or Sunday school because new people mean questions and I don't want to answer questions.... it went well. After church I met a friend at her church to talk (our churches are only 4 miles apart and there is literally no other place to meet between the 2). She's an old friend from high school, I hadn't talked to her in years and then I ran into her when I was helping at Vacation Bible School back in June (the Lord and His mysterious ways). Anyway, she told me she doesn't remember what she was doing, but earlier in the day she had opened her Bible to Luke 18, and when she read it she thought of me and she said she just had to share it with me. It's the parable of the persistent widow. As she read it to me while we were sitting there she said she thought of H as the unjust judge, not fearing God or man and me as the persistent widow, faithfully praying-.... the take home point, don't give up! God and His divine timing.... so today I am filled with peace again, despite this new development. I will continue to wait patiently in the Lord (Psalms 37:7). It's interesting how one can still be joyful even when hurting so badly....
hrm, God works in mysterious ways and I'm glad you met up w/your friend and she read the passage to you.
I'm w/T on the appliation of wisdom...the best revenge is to live well and be happy even when you are hurting.
Leave your h in God's hands. Live your life to the fullest and find one thing each and every day to laugh about. Laughter and a sense of humor are the best things in the world to help you get through the day.
So, what's on your agenda for the weekend?
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Agreed Snodderly! On that note I thought I would share some laughter with you all. I went into the bathroom the other night to brush my teeth and I looked down and oddly my toothbrush was moved, barely in the holder some how hanging on the edge and his was still in the holder. I touched mine it was wet.... His was not.... He had used my toothbrush (I would hope accidentally!).... I stood there for a few minutes questioning that mine was indeed the blue toothbrush not the green, of course it is but you don't expect someone else to use it. After that I spent a good five minutes hysterically laughing in the bathroom.... Guess it just shows how messy things are in his head right now... I suppose even the best masks can't cover it all...
As far as my weekend goes went shopping last night (love Kohls!), found a suitable anniversary card for next week, went to the gym had an almost cry on the elliptical moment, called my dear friend after and spent some time at her house. Got home late woke up early today helping my dad at an event for my brothers football team. Clearly that's going slow or I wouldn't be typing this response. On the up side it's a beautiful day I'm sitting outside and got to reconnect with a few of my brothers old friends I havent seen in years! It's so strange to see them all married with kids and stuff my "little brothers" aren't so little anymore!! LOL
Headed to a haunted attraction tonight with my dear friend, we are just glad one opens this early!!! Gotta love Halloween!!!!! Tomorrow will be church and probably grass mowing since it wont mow itself... That would be so cool though!!!
So, he used your toothbrush? Maybe it wasn't an accident and he wanted to see if you would notice and say something...you just never know about these mlcers. LOL! You've got to laugh at their antics.
Your weekend started off great w/shopping and today you are outdoors enjoying this beautiful weather. Enjoy it while you can...there's another cold front coming in Monday and the weather doesn't look too promising right now.
It's great when you can reconnect w/people you've not seen in a while and yes, they all grow up and their children grow so quickly and it just goes to show that time doesn't stand still for any of us.
Our haunted attractions haven't started here yet. Most likely they will begin after October 1st. We have to get through the county fairs first. As for mowing...yes, it would be wonderful if the grass could somehow cut itself. LOL!
Enjoy your time w/your father and friends today. Life is far too short to worry about mlcers and their crazymaking behavior on such a beautiful day!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Hello all, thought I'd share some updates. Saturday oh what a beautiful day it was, and so nice to be able to spend it with some of my family and old friends (well of my brothers, but some of them had been like brothers to me). One is having a bit of a rocky relationship right now and was asking me for advice, I tried to be helpful, I'm not sure if I was or not, but hey I tried. Apparently my brother had told him a bit about what is going on with me and H and as I'm talking to this old friend he told me I'm so strong and he wishes he could be that strong and I really deserve better, his exact words, "you need to know when to hold them and you need to know when to fold them." I politely told him marriage vows don't come with an outline of the bad times, and I need to stand for my marriage, it's what I need to do so that I can sleep at night.
Saturday evening brought about a small interesting development with H. My dear friend was over and we were painting our nails with glow in the dark nail polish (wanted to see how cool it would be in the haunted attractions!). We were sitting at the kitchen table being our usual nutty selves. H walked in and excused him self as he grabbed a small box of matches on the table between me and my friend. My friend made a silly comment to him, and he actually responded with a funny reply!! In all the times she's been over he hasn't said a word to her in probably 8 months!!! She and I just keep doing what we were doing, but talked about how strange that was later. We did kindly invite him out with us, he said no so we told him to have a good evening. He didn't ask where we were going but I didn't think he would.
The haunted attraction proved to be interesting. I had a "dead guy" like two inches from my face.... awkward.... I think he was waiting for me to scream... I'm not a screamer, I just said, well hello..... then he put his hand up and petted my hair while saying something about chopping me into little pieces... my friend and I just laughed! I've never had an actor at one of those things do that before, but hey it was funny. Had an interesting experience on the hay ride too... fun night!
Sunday, was well, strange.... but a good strange... but at the same time kind of sad. H seemed, well normal. It was nice. I was a good girl and kept repeating the feral cat thing in my head as to not scare him away. LOL I helped him take the air conditioners out of the windows in the morning(I thanked him for doing that), and again he told me how great I look. Later he asked if I needed anything from Wal-mart. I thought for a minute and went out on a limb and said, well I got some taco shells, so we could use some ground turkey and lettuce, we could have tacos one night this week. Other than that just the usual's. H said the usual's? I said, yeah, you know stuff we usually get. Then he told me he would be getting a pizza while he was there if I was interested. I said sure that sounds good.
While he was gone I got all of the grass mowed (it did NOT mow itself), and had done some laundry. He let me know they didn't have the pizza he wanted there so he went to Pizza Hut instead. I thanked him and said I couldn't remember the last time I had pizza out. I helped him put some of the groceries away. Several times he said "we" during the conversations, which doesn't happen a lot, I guess to keep that separation in his head, who knows. He didn't mind me sitting in the living room eating while he was in there eating and watching tv (I know, I may have been pressing my luck, but I made slow movements LOL). I thanked him again for the pizza and told him I appreciated it.
Later he had gone downstairs to do some laundry. I went down to check the load I had in and he was hanging it up!! I of course thanked him for doing that and told him how much I appreciated it.
This morning I heard him downstairs, I figured he was getting something of his laundry for work today. He comes out into the kitchen as tells me he brought up my laundry and put it on "my" bed, but it's not folding or anything. I told him that was fine and thanked him.
So wtf is going on?? Clear moments? Nostalgia? Guilty conscious about OW or anniversary or both??? Realizing I'm NOT the problem? Seeing his real issues? I have no idea, but for the moment we had a nice day and I will take that. Praise the Lord for these moments, I know I'll never take them for granted again...
