I go a few days and am totally patting myself on the back for how detached I am.
But then I have to deal with him again regarding the kids and d birthday this weekend and I feel completely emotionally drained. I feel angry and sad and depressed and lost. Not like it was a few months ago but still it would be much easier not to deal with him ever.
What a emotional roller coaster! ugha ugha
Thank you for these boards. These boards are part of my self care. Journalling here is taking care of myself.
Love you guys
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
Great birthday party this weekend for our d who turned four. It was at a bouncy castle place. Everyone had a great time. My h looked not very happy and didn't socialize much. He also now has this long David Cassidy hair that my father thinks looks ridiculous on a grown up.
Today my h lawyer sent a parenting agreement. My father/lawyer says it's odd at this point not to send the whole divorce paperwork, financials etc.
So hard not to mind read.
So hard not to pray for this nightmare to be over.
But all and all life is good and the girls and I are happy
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
Glad the birthday party went well. I know it's hard to plaster on a smile and be the hostess with the mostest when H is less than enthusiastic about the party.
I bet your D had a wonderful time. And THAT is what matters.
It would be so much easier if we had the option to never see them again. But this isn't our high school boyfriends... Our kids are going to keep us tied to these guys forever. Believe me, I've thought about this a ton. Holidays. Birthdays. Graduations. Sports events. Weddings. Grandchildren. Our connection with them is never ending.
You're doing great girl. Hang in there
PS... I was always more of a Sean Cassidy (Hardy Boys I think?) fan
Bomb January 2012 - doesn't feel the same about me
~ "There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance."
I'm glad the birthday part went well. Your h wasn't comfortable around everyone because he's not comfortable in his own skin. The hair cut says it all...back to the 70's he went. Don't be surprised at anything he does as he is trying to figure out who he is.
It's too complex to try to mind read the situation as it changes from minute to minute.
Hang in there!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Keep moving along. At this point, who cares about his motives and actions re. D? He is clearly confused about everything.
You just continue to be this amazing mom for your kids and the stable parent in their lives.
(((BM)))
Me & H: 44 D7, D6, S3 Together: 20y, M: 17y EA: 11/13/10, Sep: 12/23/10 EA becomes PA: Spring 2011 H filed for D: 09/06/12 D Negotiating began 2/15 OW seemingly gone on 3/15 Still negotiating D
Since the beginning of my sitch I have been inspired by a friend whose son, Jonah was diagnosed with a very rare disease called Sanfilippo Syndrome. This disease is horrible. Currently her son Jonah is 4 and has some small learning difficulties but as he grows he will develop more difficulties. Eventually he will no longer be able to walk or feed himself. He will die before he is an adult.
The disease has no treatment and very little research has been done to find a cure because it is so rare. Unlike erectile dysfunction drug companies will not profit from finding a cure for this horrendous disease.
Jonahs mother is truly an inspiration, she has started a foundation and is determine to find the means to pay for research and eventually find a cure. She acknowledges that in reality a cure might not come in time to save her son but that doesn’t stop her from working for a miracle.
Today Jonah plays with other 4 yr olds and was at my daughters birthday party but eventually he will be mentally & physically disabled. His mothers positive outlook, courage and her fight for her son is amazing and inspiring.
Please take a minute and vote for her organization on the alt. Chase communitity giving is giving grants to small charities such as hers and she is trying to win the grand prize of 250,000.
Search on alt for chase community giving Allow the app Vote for Jonahs Just Begun
You can also google her org Jonahs Just Begun to learn all the details of this terrible illness.
Thanks guys. I have been really working hard to promote her cause and its really helping with my own healing and getting out of my own head.
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
H and I exchanged a few emails yesterday regarding the girls, logistics and finances.
I am so much better at being dark then when I need to have contact with him.
I get so angry that I have to act like everything is A-okay. I get so angry that he has dismissed his family and blamed me.
I recognize that these interactions trigger my irrational and angry thoughts. I have my own life now with my girls and its good. His emails don't need to get me worked up.
I don't want to be a angry bitter person. I want my kids to know a happy and joyous mom. We have a lot to be grateful for.
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
