Just thought I'd write a wee bit on here to get some thoughts on paper.
My wife's small bit of honesty has helped me alot in starting to let go. Her having an affair is one thing. I know our marriage wasn't perfect and had got in a rut because of how difficult the last year has been, we failed in communicating because of the sensitive situation we had been going through in the last year, our sex life had become very quiet. These were all things I wanted to change but things were never at the right point so we could both talk about these things and begin to face them head on and deal with them. What am saying is I can understand that my wife in her emotional state thinks an affair is the answer (I shall put it in the way I think it is (another man who in her eyes is a better choice than her marriage)). I can see how this was easier for her than puttin the effort into our marriage. My wife really doesn't enjoy facing things head on and would rather run than fight. I am not stupid. My gut feelings haven't let me down when I thought something was going on and I've been proven right. But using that same gut feeling I know my wife loves me and is running and making a mistake. (that's one reason I fight to save our marriage. I know she wants me (the me when we got married).
It was the worse feeling ever to see my wife lying to me. Knowing she was, confronting her with the truths but her still lying and making excuses ( once again her running rather than dealing with it). I believe now my wife and I are at a place now the truth is out or that she's admitted to me the affair we can at least have a polite and friendly relationship.
I don't know what's going to happen. If she will realise this is just a quick fix for her and true love and happiness lays with me. But I know there's no more aggression in me towards her now. The lying made me angry not her panic and silly choices. We're all human after all and make mistakes. Today it's about lettin go of what's happened it can't be changed and working on today only. I know from how am feeling I can and will make changes and choices to benifit me. Days will be good and bad but how I deal with they days is what effects MY tomorrow.
Am sure there are gonna be more twists and turns ahead but now am in the right frame of mind to deal with them. Am hopefully gonna be buying a nice house/apartment for myself soon. That's gonna be a wonderful experience for me. Am really excited about that. It might not work out but I really want my own place to make a home for me.
Kevin
Me-38W-28. M-2 1/2. Together-7 years OM-14/4/12 Told M in trouble-17/4/12 BD-5/6/12 S-5/6/12 ProofOM-17/06/12 Start to change me-31/08/12 EA+PA-14/04/12-now
