Stand up. Poor and tired, but more than this.

[LIO]

Hi Kat,
It's difficult. I am not going to whine about it.
The school routine is tiring for me because I have to get up to do all the kiddo stuff, get him to school, pick him up, do the homework with him and repeat. and still get in 8 hours of work. H works so late that he doesn't even get out until 10 or 11.

H calls every night to do the evening prayer with S. He includes me in it, but I can't read into it.

journaling (I have to do this more since I miss out on other's posts AND mine end up huge!)

Since that Sunday conversation:
He told me that Monday (09/06) he wants to 'try'. He stopped contacting the girl that weekend. Avoided her. And then he 'broke it off' with the girl this Monday when she attempted to talk to him in person. She's lamenting now and then writing things like 'maybe they just aren't ready for now, but it doesn't mean forever'. For a 2 week relationship... He still sees her posts and says it doesn't matter what she writes - he doesn't care and he said it's immature what she writes. He broke it off with her in person, (she posted it) He won't respond, he won't call, he won't text her. Avoidance still. I'd feel sorry for her if she didn't try to push it all in my face.

Note to self regarding that he 'sees' her posts: LET....IT....GO.... Controlling = me asking him to block her. He will get sick of her 'forever' talk. Makes him resentful (how well do I know THAT!?) I do have to keep away from it too. It's a trigger to see some woman (girl!)

He's communicating more (our communication had been me assuming and him assuming. So I'm having to validate and ask clarifying questions). Sometimes this is extremely frustrating for both of us.

He wants to 'try'...

He's been now saying "I understand how you feel" (I know in db'ing validating is important - but to have this done to me, how can you possibly UNDERSTAND how I feel!?) Which led to a frustrating but helpful exchange. I found out he really means: "I hear what you are saying, and I may not jump to action on what you want me to do right now, but I do hear you and will consider it." I told him that I was glad that he explained it to me because just replying "I understand how you feel" was a blow off response to me. He said he then understood why I would be frustrated with that. (umm. who is validating who here?!)

He's STOPPED saying he wants a divorce, especially when he was angry. He had a opportunity today to say it and would've said it in that situation before. I expected it to come out and he didn't say it. He said "You are frustrating me right now and I'm getting angry" (Telling me his feelings now rather than just hanging up and turning inwards).

I'm finding myself looking at his actions differently. I see why he is doing what he was doing (a wife who complained, who gave him a hard time, who he'd drive so far home to see... no wonder why he was tired!)
I see that on the weekends, he stayed over every day/night for the 3 days. I see why he is doing that (it's not using me), I see his weekdays ARE exhausting with long hours and driving 30 min one way on top of that is NOT appealing.

So some real 180s for me:
I am telling him about my appreciation of what he does.
I validate his feelings in light of this NEW behavior of him telling me his feelings.
I am TRYING to butt out of decisions.
No relationship/future talks.
Smile and laugh when he is here on weekend.



He wants to 'try'. So I think I continue on with this.

His lease ends in December. Our house is starting the sale process tomorrow (round 2!)