RH~ Thank you! I always appreciate words of support.
T~You truly are a wise man, thank you so much, everything you have said has helped me so much! "be the last one standing" really spoke to me.... it's hard, but it's what I want to do (and I think being called to do), obviously or I wouldn't be here, my safe haven for venting. I am doing my best to ignore and am all rainbows and sunshine today.
I'd just like to say God never ceases to amaze me in His perfect timing (yet I still have a hard time waiting!). I had so much support yesterday, it was just what I needed. I talked to a few friends, my pastor and I had counseling already scheduled for last night, so that worked out. I told my counselor I needed talked down. When I told him about the e-mail he just looked at me and said, yeah, so? I said um, that's not my name. He told me I over analyze too much (duh! I think we all know that by now) and to remember H is living in a fantasy world right now. He may be reading things into stuff and he may be doing gorilla chest pounding to his family to prove something to them..... valid points.
After that I went to church, which I haven't done on a Wednesday night yet.... honesty haven't done that or Sunday school because new people mean questions and I don't want to answer questions.... it went well. After church I met a friend at her church to talk (our churches are only 4 miles apart and there is literally no other place to meet between the 2). She's an old friend from high school, I hadn't talked to her in years and then I ran into her when I was helping at Vacation Bible School back in June (the Lord and His mysterious ways). Anyway, she told me she doesn't remember what she was doing, but earlier in the day she had opened her Bible to Luke 18, and when she read it she thought of me and she said she just had to share it with me. It's the parable of the persistent widow. As she read it to me while we were sitting there she said she thought of H as the unjust judge, not fearing God or man and me as the persistent widow, faithfully praying-.... the take home point, don't give up! God and His divine timing.... so today I am filled with peace again, despite this new development. I will continue to wait patiently in the Lord (Psalms 37:7). It's interesting how one can still be joyful even when hurting so badly....
