I would go along with what the DB coach says as far as the party.
Not being so available? I think you are on the right track, be gone one maybe two nights or so a week.
Otherwise you could just be doing your own thing (reading, playing games, whatever) in another room, telling H " I'll be in the other room reading if you need anything" or such. That way, you are "away", but still available, but H will have to go to you, so you aren't pressuring him or anything. Also, if H does come around, fully stop whatever you are doing and give full attention (lol, kinda like raising kids, eh?). That's basically what I had to do because of kids needing me and also low budget...Sandi's 37 rules has some other things which work for how to act around them without being totally "gone" or "there".
The act of going "dim" is a fine art, you'll get the hang of it, just be prepared to adjust the dimmer switch frequently depending on the situation.
T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
