Hoping it's not too late

[AnotherStander]

I finally asked him if we could try to spend some time together "outside" the bedroom and he says he's not ready yet. He says he feels weird about it - on one hand, he's still married and on the other, still in a new relationship.

That is just completely bizarre reasoning. He feels weird about going for a walk or dinner because he's in a new relationship, but sleeping with you is A-OK. That says a lot about his character.

My gut tells me he is afraid to feel more and I told him as much. He's still not sure if he can trust me, I tell him that it will take time.

If you're actively DB'ing then it would be a good idea not to tell him what you think he's feeling. If he wants to talk about his feelings then by all means empathize with him, but don't start the conversation, let him.

My gut tells me he is afraid to feel more and I told him as much. He's still not sure if he can trust me, I tell him that it will take time. He's still undecided, but talks about what people would think/say if we were to reconcile.

Wow, he must have self-esteem issues if something as important as reconciling his marriage is dependent upon what other people would think.

He talks about what life would be like together - both good and bad scenarios. When he thinks about what it would do to OW, he gets upset and blames himself for moving on too quickly.

Well he's going to hurt someone regardless, either you or the OW. And he will be hurt regardless too. I think I mentioned earlier in your thread that this is my greatest fear- that I will move on, start a new relationship and then my WAW will want to reconcile. That's why I've decided to give her some time.

As I left yesterday morning, we said we were going to take a few days break, but then he sends me an email last night to see if I wanted to come over...I had other plans, so he wrote back it was probably for the best...

Good! That is good DB'ing, be mysterious and not always available. Let him wonder what you're thinking and doing.