So now you have forgiveness... what do you have to not repeat a 3rd time.... More forgiveness?
Inpain mentioned that not knowing the truth is a deal breaker for her. This is what she is struggling with.
Perhaps I misunderstand, but reading the posts I see no forgiveness. She's still bitter over a PA that she perceives may have happened years ago although her husband denies it. It sounds like this bitterness and lack of forgiveness is preventing her from feeling anything towards her husband. You say that not knowing the truth is a deal breaker for her, but her husband insists he has told her the truth and it is possible that he has.
Inpain, you will continue to be "in pain" as long as you can't let this go whether you remain with your H or not. Personally I always like to see marriages saved, so I would suggest finding a way to forgive your husband (but not forget) and try and build a better relationship in the future. But let him know that if it happens again there will be no 3rd chance. Give him boundaries and let him know that crossing one will result in the marriage ending immediately and be ready to follow through (this is discussed in DR). The alternative is to assume he's lying and end the M now rather than later. In the end all we can do is make suggestions, you know your sitch better than us. I wish you luck whichever way you go.
