So in short: Today I miss her, but I don't NEED her. I want to work things out, but I'm already doing everything I can do (at least for now) to contribute to that and I can't get upset if I don't see progress from her end... Because she's made her decisions and I've made mine... I'm paving a path home, but I'm not waiting to take her by the hand and guide her. I'm just leaving a trail of awesome behind that she can follow if she wishes...
Good for you for realizing that you're doing all you can and can't expect anything else. Love the "trail of awesome"! I need to start making one of those too.
M36 XH34 M-5 T7 4/11 H confused 5/11 ILYB 6/11 OW discovered 7/11 I move out, OW over 5/12-OW2,done->new EA, but H wont file 9/12 H "best bf ever" to EA/OW3 3/13 H/OW break up H files 4/13 D 6/18/13
I had to forward W a work-related email yesterday, to which she responded in a strictly-business approach... letting me know she's working a temp job this week and will be back to her other duties starting tomorrow...
I responded to her email, answering the work related question she posed and ending with "Thanks W. I hope you're doing well".
Today, despite the lack of a response...
AT - First let me preface this by saying that I am not trying to hammer you, and I would not even consider this a 2x4. Just a little friendly strategic advice that you can improve on.
WHY did you respond? It was not necessary. She didn't ask you a question or for information.
I know that you said that you didn't feel a sting despite your W not replying to your response. I hope that's the case. But whenever you put the ball in HER court to reply, you usually will find yourself waiting for a reply, wondering why she did not reply.
INSTEAD, leave the ball in your court WHEN you can. She replied to your first email. Sure it was business like. She is trying to get a response from you. Trust me, it is not by accident that she is not being sweet to you.
So when she replied, the ball was in YOUR court. She was wondering how or if you'd reply to her. You should have left her wondering. Instead, she has you wondering again.
You might say, 'well denver, I was just being polite by responding and telling her that I hope she was doing well'. Nothing inherently wrong with that AT. But have you asked yourself why she didn't say to you, "Thanks for the info AT. I hope you are doing well."?
The reason? She is still playing the game better than you.
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
Thanks for the response. She DID actually ask a work related question in her email that NEEDED response. She needed to know if certain information had been imported to the system, and I had to let her know one way or the other in order for her to complete her tasks.
But I completely hear you about her playing the game better than me. Hell, she's got a lot more experience than I evidently! I'll certainly be leaving the ball in her court whenever possible.
Thanks again for the help and advice. It's greatly appreciated!
I know it's been a while. I just lost touch with you mate. Sorry about that. It looks like you've turned a new page and you seem to be handling it well. I happy about that. If you are indeed detaching, I'm sure it's going to be a bit easier for you.
I wish I was there myself and maybe I am getting close. I met W today for my visa and I ended up wondering why I was standing for my marriage to this woman who is nothing like my wife. I don't know, maybe it's just today, but I didn't feel the love for her that I usually do.
I guess we are all moving ahead.
I'll stay in touch,
cheers mate!
Freshman Class of 2012
M-49 W-42 1D-10 T 10 YEARS M 9 YEARS EA/MLC 07/2010 Separation 28/05/2012 PA confirmed 31/07/12 W Asked for D 31/07/12 D on and off the table since then
Hey Arsene! Thanks for checking in, and no worries on "losing touch"
I'm not sure I'd go so far as to say I've turned a new page, but I'm definitely doing a better job of keeping my feelings of sadness and loneliness under control the last couple weeks. I think it has to do with a combination of GALing and being dark right now... Going dark is definitely HARD HARD HARD, but I think it's necessary right now to keep my PMA going as much as I can.
That said, days like today where it's gray and rainy out and no one else is in the office, I find my mind wandering a little more than I'm comfortable with... Wondering how W is doing and if I'm on her mind very much (if at all) these days. But then I just remind myself that If I am, then I am, and if I'm not, then I'm not... It doesn't change what I must do to keep progressing in my own life.
I've made it my mission to keep focusing on bettering myself, my situation and my outlook on life. I know I still love W very much, and my head and heart still want to have a R in the future, but I also know that it won't work without a lot more personal growth on my end. After all, I need to fix the things in me that contributed to her becoming a WAW or we don't ever stand a chance.
I totally hear what you are saying about wondering why you're standing for a marriage to the woman your W currently is. Hell, I think everyone on these boards has felt that way at one time or another... And in all honesty, NONE of us want (or should want) a relationship with the person they've become... but we all know we got married for a reason, and despite these extraordinarily tough times, most of us see the potential for a light at the end of the tunnel. We all just need to make sure we're working toward that light on our own.
That said, days like today where it's gray and rainy out and no one else is in the office, I find my mind wandering a little more than I'm comfortable with... Wondering how W is doing and if I'm on her mind very much (if at all) these days. But then I just remind myself that If I am, then I am, and if I'm not, then I'm not... It doesn't change what I must do to keep progressing in my own life.
I've made it my mission to keep focusing on bettering myself, my situation and my outlook on life. I know I still love W very much, and my head and heart still want to have a R in the future, but I also know that it won't work without a lot more personal growth on my end. After all, I need to fix the things in me that contributed to her becoming a WAW or we don't ever stand a chance.
I totally hear what you are saying about wondering why you're standing for a marriage to the woman your W currently is. Hell, I think everyone on these boards has felt that way at one time or another... And in all honesty, NONE of us want (or should want) a relationship with the person they've become... but we all know we got married for a reason, and despite these extraordinarily tough times, most of us see the potential for a light at the end of the tunnel. We all just need to make sure we're working toward that light on our own.
Yes my friend. You said it. It' s not raining and gray over here but I get that same feeling. I also know what I need to do right now and that's what I'll be focusing on.
Thanks for the uplifting words mate.
Freshman Class of 2012
M-49 W-42 1D-10 T 10 YEARS M 9 YEARS EA/MLC 07/2010 Separation 28/05/2012 PA confirmed 31/07/12 W Asked for D 31/07/12 D on and off the table since then
Still floating in the dark limbo, and still feeling as okay as I can. I feel like a broken record a bit, talking about how I miss W and haven't heard from her in over two weeks now... But it's the truth. It's also the truth that despite my missing of her, I'm not getting depressed over it lately. I'm focusing on the future rather than the past. I can't lie and say that I haven't wanted to reach out to her, as I certainly have wanted to. But I haven't done it, and I feel good about that.
I have a good weekend coming up, or so I hope. Plenty of GALing, relaxing, and writing.
I'll certainly be leaving the ball in her court whenever possible.