I brought this over from another thread and am hoping T^2 will talk more about it.
As a guy, I think this is one of the top things you can do...we (some/most guys) just don't handle emotions well...either we feel guilty and give in, then resentful (maybe), or put up the safety walls, and can't grow due to denial blockage. Until something breaks us out of our conditioning, causing us to re-evaluate our resistance to the emotional aspects of life.
I think this dynamic was a big part of my M.
My question is: Does this mean we need to change who we are in order to fit with what "the guy" can handle?
I understand that being in a constant emotional storm is not good for anyone. And that we should let the emotion pass before responding or making decisions.
I believe a strong R should be able to handle all the emotions that come with it. Again not in a state of constant acting out but just knowing that there are strong feelings in an intimate R and that they will pass and not cause damage if both people are supportive.
Just my musings. I look forward to your input as I've followed you for a long time, even before you had your own thread.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
and i like what you brought over from T^2's thread. I wonder what is thats 'something' that causes the break?
((((((labug))))))
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
LaBug, do it! Here's a quote that might interest you...
No matter where you live in Arizona, you will find someone in our group from your neck of the woods. We have members scattered throughout Ahwatukee, Apache Junction, Cave Creek, Chandler, Gold Canyon, Flagstaff, Gilbert, Lake Havasu City, Mesa, Paradise Valley, Payson, Prescott, Phoenix, Queen Creek, Sedona, Scottsdale, Tempe, Tucson and many other cities throughout Arizona. But it doesn't really matter where you live, as long as you have a tent, sleeping bag and an ice chest full of food and drinks, and want to take weekly road trips to places that you have always heard about, but never had a chance to visit. Hang out with us and we will show you the best camping spots in Arizona.
Signed, Adinva, the meetup official unpaid promoter
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
I will work on this for you (well, and for me too...help me clarify what I know in my head...). It may be a couple days though, life got crazy weird on me, or maybe weirdER is more accurate...lol. T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
As a guy, I think this is one of the top things you can do...we (some/most guys) just don't handle emotions well...either we feel guilty and give in, then resentful (maybe), or put up the safety walls, and can't grow due to denial blockage. Until something breaks us out of our conditioning, causing us to re-evaluate our resistance to the emotional aspects of life.
I'd love some insight on this thought... My H seems to be juggling all three emotions, all at the same time...
My question is: Does this mean we need to change who we are in order to fit with what "the guy" can handle?
We men are brought up to suppress our emotions. As kids if we cry we're told to stop being babies. If we express that we want a certain toy we're told we're spoiled brats. If we talk about our feelings we're looked at like we're wimpy nerds. By the time we're in our 20's we've mastered the art of burying our feelings deep inside and never, ever crying. Women are the opposite, they're encouraged to express emotions, to cry (it's cute!), to open up to others. So what happens? Women try to tell men how they feel and the men run away. Women ask men how they feel and we say "fine". Up goes the wall.
So to answer your question, no, you should not change to fit what the guy can handle because that's a bandaid. The real fix is for the guy to learn that it is wrong and harmful to suppress emotions and he needs to learn to open up about how he feels. Get him to read the 5LL, it really opened my eyes on this.
As a guy, I think this is one of the top things you can do...we (some/most guys) just don't handle emotions well...either we feel guilty and give in, then resentful (maybe), or put up the safety walls, and can't grow due to denial blockage. Until something breaks us out of our conditioning, causing us to re-evaluate our resistance to the emotional aspects of life.
I think this dynamic was a big part of my M.
This dynamic was a big part of my M as well except that it is my wife who did not wish to discuss and confront emotional issues. I had my share in it as well but feel that she had trouble and continues to have trouble really opening up.
