Journalling I have been GAL, keeping busy and tomorrow I go away for a week to sunnier climes but I have been haunted by H's continued silence/avoidance. I'm worried that he's in a dark place.
So I text - I know, maybe I shouldn't have - "I figure you're caving but I'm worried about you as I've not heard from you since you landed. Just let me know you're ok. I care about you..."
And finally I hear from him. "I'm ok Tumbling. Thanks for apt message. I'm sorry:("
I replied later "Good to hear from you. Thanks for letting me know you're ok."
This is different for me. I would have pushed to start the cycle in the past - can we talk? why haven't you text/called? etc.
It's difficult to be non-committal/detached but I really want something different.
I want to get hold of my Self so that I don't get desperate and can talk to him from a place of emotional safety, if I ever get the chance.
So I will roll up my blanket and pack it in my suitcase.
This time it will be different. I am staying focused on healing me. I still don't want to walk away but I don't see him in a rush to tackle things.
He's feeling safe in his castle and that's ok.
Just as it's ok for me to sit on the blanket and take in the view.
Patience. No rush. No need to manage or fix the situation. It is what it is. It will be what it will be.
Tumbling
ME41 H39 T12 M9 Ilybinilwy 10/2010 H moves out 11/2010 H moves in 09/2011 out 11/2011 Try to fix it alone, give up 07/2012 Tumbling to file 02/01/2013 :-) "Strong on the inside, soft on the outside"
