I think I see the picnic!

[2chiquitos]

I have a lot to journal today. Not enough time this morning. Long story short.

My friend came over to talk about our previous discussion. This is the 3rd time she wants to know if we're "ok". First time I thought I had made myself clear. "we're ok but I don't want to talk about 'it' anymore. So let's just move on." Second time I repeated myself and she cried. This time she left crying!

Seriously!!?? I told her. "I'm sorry but I can't focus more on this discussion. I need to focus on myself." She is so d@mn needy! I think she wants me to apologize for what I said and drag on the talk so that I can make her feel better.

I'm not going there! I told her. "I'm not ignoring you're feelings. I just can't address them." I also said, "I hope you never go through what I went through, but if you do I will be your closest friend."

All in all it was too much for me. I could feel myself spiraling and I was beginning to feel frustrated with her.

After she left I should've called a friend or journaled or read some meditation books. I thought I was fine but last night I had a meltdown.

H came home with S4 and I ditched my crying D1 once he came in. He didn't know what had happened. I just said, "i'll be back. I need to get out of here."

I came back 10min later but H had taken the kids for a drive to calm D1. He gave me enough time to shower and relax. He really is the best.

I told him what happened and I felt so much better. It always helps to talk.

So my friend and her husband will be at my brother's wedding this Sat. I will not be indifferent with them. Act as if!

I'm seriously tired of this!