Hey Arsene! Thanks for checking in, and no worries on "losing touch"
I'm not sure I'd go so far as to say I've turned a new page, but I'm definitely doing a better job of keeping my feelings of sadness and loneliness under control the last couple weeks. I think it has to do with a combination of GALing and being dark right now... Going dark is definitely HARD HARD HARD, but I think it's necessary right now to keep my PMA going as much as I can.
That said, days like today where it's gray and rainy out and no one else is in the office, I find my mind wandering a little more than I'm comfortable with... Wondering how W is doing and if I'm on her mind very much (if at all) these days. But then I just remind myself that If I am, then I am, and if I'm not, then I'm not... It doesn't change what I must do to keep progressing in my own life.
I've made it my mission to keep focusing on bettering myself, my situation and my outlook on life. I know I still love W very much, and my head and heart still want to have a R in the future, but I also know that it won't work without a lot more personal growth on my end. After all, I need to fix the things in me that contributed to her becoming a WAW or we don't ever stand a chance.
I totally hear what you are saying about wondering why you're standing for a marriage to the woman your W currently is. Hell, I think everyone on these boards has felt that way at one time or another... And in all honesty, NONE of us want (or should want) a relationship with the person they've become... but we all know we got married for a reason, and despite these extraordinarily tough times, most of us see the potential for a light at the end of the tunnel. We all just need to make sure we're working toward that light on our own.
