I'm feeling one of those lows right now. The urge to approach my W to be close to her and talk with her is strong. I don't know why and I know you guys have said if I backslid from any of this will put me back to square one. So instead I'm writing it down. You guys are my new friends and friends that know more about me than any of my other friends.
So I feel sad that my w and her withdrawal with OM. Sadly to say is because I think I feel jealous. How could she give him this much time?! She's been with me for 18 yrs and that seem like nothing to her.
It's really been 16 months since the INILWY...bomb since I felt love from her. I've been in this torment for 16mos. The text messages, what were they? Why she reached out to him rather than me. Was I really that bad of a H?!
We're in the same roof again and I'm afraid she will get comfortable and then entertains the OM again once he try to lure her back in. I just don't know if I have more strength to deal with that. Isn't this really cake eating?
The roommate status when will it end? When will she get her feelings back?
The only positives right now are my kids. They are returning my love back. But it feels different something's missing, I don't feel complete I walk around with a pain in my chest.
Anyway, looks like I diverted to writing these instead of approaching my W. Gotta get ready for work. But these are the things I would've told my W today. Thanks for your ears.
I'll read Denver sitch how he handled playing cool with his W during his ordeal and Sandi's post to understand my W better.
Have a good Thursday DB! Newman
me40; W43 M18; T~20 D18; S13 & S3 bomb 5/9/11 EA busted 4/30/12; 9/4/12; 4/29/13; 6/10/13 same OM
Separated 4/1/14
"Even a flicker of light will shine through darkness-12/25/2012"....better days ahead.
