Here goes: My H dropped the bomb, "I love you but I'm not in love" on 4/21. I was totally devastated but I knew things were not great for a while. We both did things to sabotage the marriage but I didnt take his "warnings" seriously. That was a big mistake. Anyway about a month after that I discovered hotel key cards from a famous hotel chain in his car. He was spending nights away but I didn't question him because he was so angry. Anyway I decided to go to that hotel one morning when he wasn't home and I sat outside for 4 hours and then my world came crashing. I saw him come out of there, holding hands and kissing with one of his married bosses! I had NO idea it would be her. When he got into car I confronted her and let her know what I thought. That was bad. About 10 days later (6/5) he moved out and moved closer to where she lives, which is almost an hour away from me and work. BTW, he flatly denied anything sexual happened. Yeah right. So for a while I was numb, crying all the time, begging and pleading with him to come home and work things out. He said he's "not there" yet. So I went through periods of deep depression and then ranting at him and then realizing it did no good. I've been quiet for about a week now. Oh, I'm 59 and he's 58; we have 3 kids but one (19 yrs old) thats both of ours. The other 2 are from previous marriages. We're together 20 yrs. I don't want to divorce and he said he doesn't want to because he's never getting married again. My dilemma is I want him home and I'm trying to live my life and doing things but my heart is broken. Anyone for advice? I thank you in advance.
M-59 H-58 2 S, 1 D 2 Gr. Ch. T 20 YRS M 17 YRS ILYBINILWY 4/21/12 Caught H and OW 5/25/12 H Left 6/5/12
"Do not regret growing older...It is a privilege denied to many."
Have you spoken to a DB coach yet? I am so sorry you are going through so much pain, but I do know that one of Michele's coaches can make all the difference in the world. Your coach will help you come up with a very specific plan of how to approach him and interact with him in a way that is more likely to bring him closer and not push him any further away and help you stay strong and feel better. I would look forward to talking to you about your options. Take good care.
Karen, Resource Coordinator The Divorce Busting Center 303-444-7004 karen@divorcebusting.com
Give me a call if you'd like to schedule an appointment to speak with a Divorce Busting® Coach.
First, don't despair, because there is always hope and always a chance for reconciliation! Second, buy DB and DR and read them cover-to-cover and immediately put the recommendations into action. The begging/ pleading you did was absolutely the wrong thing to do and likely drove your H away, but that's OK because nearly all of us did the same before discovering DB. Just put it behind you and focus on DB'ing and expect this to take a good amount of time to resolve. Read the books and then come back and ask questions, we're here for you!
I recently obtained "The Divorce Remedy" and just ordered the other book. Good things in them; they make sense to me. I'm just very unsure of the future and what will be down the road. I spoke with a marriage mediator but I don't think I'm ready to go that route yet. Like I said, I really don't believe in quitting my marriage. Thanks for your comments. I should schedule a consult with a DB coach.
M-59 H-58 2 S, 1 D 2 Gr. Ch. T 20 YRS M 17 YRS ILYBINILWY 4/21/12 Caught H and OW 5/25/12 H Left 6/5/12
"Do not regret growing older...It is a privilege denied to many."
Please also read through many other newcomer threads posted on here and you will see many similarities, not only with the situation, but the spouse who is pulling away actions and comments.
Most importantly, see how common the advice is.
Prayers to you, along with patience and strength.
Ed
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Me, 55 W, 36 T, 10 yrs S-9 M, 8 yrs 1st D-Day, 9-27-2009, With 1st bf, ea/pa 2nd D-Day, 12-5-2009, With her best friends bf, ea/pa W, AA relapse early 2009-Current W moved out 2-16-2012 New OM 5-2012
