Turtles, Lists and Toilet Brushes

[zig]

s's teacher called this afternoon and while we were talking, he told me that the last few days s is welling up and trying not to cry very frequently during the day.

my mama heart wanted to fix things right away. but we talked a while and i said to him - if i keep stepping in and trying to make s feel better, he can't learn to stand up for himself and say what he feels. i have to accept that he will experience some pain during all of this but i have to trust that if i let things be, he will be able to express himself more openly.

i told him that even though it hurts to hear that s is so sad, i also feel joy, because that means he is opening up and is able to let out some of what he feels.

we talked also about other issues - and he said something interesting that i of course zig-style jumped on right away

Each person only knows their own truth

later while i was knitting, this thought came to me:

Each person only has their own truth that they see and feel. When you recognize what the other persons' truth is, what will you do then? Apologize, or continue to say you were right?


it was such an eye opener for me - to apologize to someone not because you know you should, but to apologize because you have seen it from their eyes - that's the diamond in loving the people around you, in nurturing your relationships with those you love and even those you barely know. to see their truth is to see them and to know them. and when you speak to them from seeing their truth, then they really feel that you are speaking to the core of them, not just to the surface,

then we talked about h - teacher bought up himself that he felt that s was sad because of something with h's house - that he felt that s did not feel safe int he current situation. i was frank with him and said that h is in a place where any indication whatsoever that s maybe affected by the current sitch/ living arrangements, is met with a lot of anger and denial. (he had asked me if i could discuss this with h)

so we talked about that for a bit, and he himself suggested that instead of coming to me with stuff about s he should talk to h. i agreed and said that all i would suggest is that you say only the bare facts and do not "connect" them to anything in the situation. he had proposed that he brings up h's house. i also said, please do not have any expectations from h, but be prepared that h may feel very defensive when you tell him s is sad.

i said h is a wonderful father and he's not a bad person, but right now he doesn't seem to be able to deal with s being affected by this

and as i write this - oh my gosh, i am all shaky and i suddenly see where h has invoked the "no talk" rule here. we are not allowed, any of us to talk about s being affected in any way. we are not allowed to acknowledge that s could need help or support and subsequently s is suffering silently

h has gotten SOOOO angry at me or his mom or dad, whenever any of us have tried. and i suddenly see how he held me in that position.

so bug - how do i get out of this one and be able to talk about it?