my mil called to ask how i was. we hadn't spoken in a week. then she asked about s - she said h and s got home yesterday and s walked in and looked incredibly sad and just lay down on the couch.
I told her what happened here at the house. and she told me that that was the exact dynamic that she and fil have struggled with. they went to lots of therapy together and she said that she still struggles with the "no talk" rule that fil always invokes.
her words were - "he feels very challenged when i give my opinion. what i learned during therapy was to detach from his reaction. to accept that it was alright that his reaction was anger, and to not see it as a reflection of myself or where i was at. that he had the right to his reaction just as i did."
i have read somewhere that one attracts the person who actually provides the most challenge within yourself in the area that you have to grow and unburden yourself from. when both are self-aware or willing to learn, then the relationship is successful and is continually growing and maturing because each challenge that comes up is taken by both as an opportunity to grow and learn.
the relationship is deeply troubled and in turmoil when this is not continually happening because one or both are using those same challenges as opportunities to defend themselves and put the blame on the other.
mil said that even though she knows this, she is continually challenged by the situation.
i feel as if i haven't described fully what she said. there was so much running through my head all at once, and i think i will ask mil to have the conversation again so i am sure that i didn't miss something
(((( )))) zig
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
