Tomorrow is a New Day

[hopefulinga]

Journaling tonight....

While we've made a few improvements, I need to try to stay grounded and not get my hopes up. H is acting a little distant tonight. We talked a little bit at dinner. Some of it is probably my thought because I have mixed feelings right now.

I asked H if he wanted tickets to a concert I didn't say with me), he asked me when and where it was, thought for a second and then said, I guess not. We've been to the venue before, so I know that is not the issue. He didn't say he didn't want to go with me but that is how I felt.

He also mentioned started to do a motorcycle ride every Thursday with a group of guys. I asked him if wives went and he said he didn't think so. I asked him if there were any rides that wives were involved with. He started to tell me about a ride a friend took to Maine with his wife. She flew to Boston and met him, they rode to Maine and then she flew back. I asked him why they went and he told me because the W wanted to go.

That got to me. We haven't traveled anywhere together in quite a while, let alone somewhere I wanted to go. It also started to make me question whether or not this sitch is really repairable. And I thought of SS's list and creating one of my own. I don't know that I can get out of this M what I need. And then I start to question why I am trying to DB (other than to help myself).

I also asked H to start to tell me when he needed me to do things for D that he normally does. She told me today that I had to take her to her bus Friday morning because H was leaving at 7 for his trip. He never told me that. At dinner I confirmed with him that I would be doing that. After dinner when D wasn't around I told him that I needed him to tell me when I needed to do that type of stuff and that I didn't need to hear it from D. He told me he thought I knew that he was leaving at 7. I told him that I did not as he never told me that. When I asked him about travel plans last night, all he told me was that he was leaving in the morning.

H is definitely different towards me than he was over the weekend. All of the "us" type of stuff he was talking about seems to have subsided. I've done my best to support him and keep my mouth shut when I otherwise would have said something.

I know this is a long road and I know it will be up and down. Today just doesn't feel real good.