Divorced #5. And I think Im getting it..

[Mrs D]

That's exactly what I did. I'm not sure if there's a real video, but I was able to hear the song.

I loved the part about things not always being easy, and stumbling, but still getting to where they wanted to be.

I think that's the part of love that so many people don't think about. It's all excitement and hormones, with no thought to the work that it actually takes to keep a relationship together.

Well, as the WAS at one time, I was there. But I was also a runner then that didnt want to look at my problems or what I was causing. I wanted it to go poof - and its gone. If Id have actually stepped back and thought things through, got the help I needed - we wouldnt be here.

Reading your stich now SBR.

[Mrs D]

So X just called yelling at me because Im talking derogatory about him to people and that C doesnt come first. I think Ive complained about it not even a handful of times. He said that I said something to someone about getting a sitter for this past wknd, and thats not what my complaint was at all. The complaint was that he dropped C off at 9 so he could go biking, and that I was almost out the door for church. What if I hadn't have been here? But of course he kept cutting me off and not letting me explain why I was upset then. Not sure if I should bring it it when I pick C up?

I know I had spoke before that he had made me upset previously when he had hired a sitter. That was back qt the beginning though. The only other complaint is that he doesnt call on nights with her. But thats been resolved. If he calls awesome. If he dont. Awesome. Bah.

[Mrs D]

Just realized I did complain about the dropping C off at 9 on Sunday after hiring a sitter for Saturday on text message to my sis and one of my Gfs. So he is still reading my texts I think. That is the only way he would have known of that conversation cause he doesnt speak to my sis, or that GF. So. Does this mean that I broke contact if he called me?? And. What am I to think/do about this situation. After he finished yelling, I said that I was sorry that I had discussed that with anyone and that it would never happen again. I didnt try to defend why I said it or anything else. He was awfully defensive though.

[Carnac]

MrsD: Its not breaking nc to respond to someone talking to you. And it sounds as though thats just what you did RESPONDED rather than reacted and thats a good thing. You've said you were sorry, don't bring it up again and just act like its over. If he brings it up again don't be defensive just calmly explain that you have already told him you were sorry and that it would not happen again and you can't do more than that so you hope he'll accept it and move on.

I think its incredibly important for him to see you handling this well and not being defensive or reactionary. Sounds like you've done well so far, keep it up we'll go for 5

[Mrs D]

Hey Carnac. Nothing was said when I picked C up as well. And yay for me for responding and not reacting!!! He was still mad as well when I got there. He wouldnt even look at me.

Awesome, awesome night with therapy. I dont know if I told you all but when I heard that song "True Believers" this morning, after it was finished, I came over the hill to the office. The light was red, and I was just in tears. Because even though I am not married to X, I still believe in that marriage. Anyway, I asked God for forgiveness at that stop light. I know God forgives, but Ive never asked for it.

Carnac, you said the other day isnt it funny how certain things come at the times you most need them? I felt even more sense of calming after I asked today. I dont feel as obsessed about X, although I find I am still obsessed about the GF. I need to find a way to let that go as well. I am the better option.

Day #5 tomorrow.

[Mrs D]

Here is a question for Bond, KD, Carnac - whomever..
Just got off the phone with a GF of mine. She in fact did call X last night and told him that he needed to make C come first. Nothing about him hiring a sitter last weekend, etc. That information was in fact pulled from my text messages that he has software to read.

So the question is - should I take my phone to US Cellular to have them wipe my phone clean of the software - because he knows exactly who it is that I talk to, where Im at, etc. My GF think that if I did that then he would be questioning where I am, what Im doing, etc faster than what he is now cause he has the access. I think I should keep it on because I want him to be able to trust me. And if that is one way to gain trust, Id rather it stay on my phone. Thoughts?

[Starsky309]

My thought is that you're still WAY too focused on your ex-husband, to the point that it's driving you crazy and keeping you stuck.


Starsky

[Brian in Hville]

So the question is - should I take my phone to US Cellular to have them wipe my phone clean of the software - because he knows exactly who it is that I talk to, where Im at, etc. My GF think that if I did that then he would be questioning where I am, what Im doing, etc faster than what he is now cause he has the access. I think I should keep it on because I want him to be able to trust me. And if that is one way to gain trust, Id rather it stay on my phone. Thoughts?

Mrs D,

Have them delete the software. You are no longer married to him. If there ever is a future for you two, it will be a NEW relationship and trust will have to be gained that way. Not with him reading every text you make. Set some boundries. He shouldn't have access to that information anymore. If he wants to know, make him ask. Right now, he is cake eating. He has his gf, and knows that you will be the girl on the side if he wants.

Stop thinking about him and what he wants. It's time to start thinking about yourself and your son. That's it. If he wants to be a part of your life again one day, great! If not, his loss because you are making yourself one hell of a catch!

You know, one small step you can do to act like a divorced person is to change your name on here. How about just Ms D!

[MrBond]

I would talk to your XH about it first just to show you're on the up and up. Just tell him that you want him to trust you, but because you're now D'd, there's no reason to have the software on there. That you've changed and are now trustworthy, so it's up to him to believe it or not.

That you two need to get over the past and start anew.

[Mrs D]

Thanks Bond. Ill wait till he calls to talk to C or when I have something concerning C, then Ill bring it up. Day #5 accomplished Carnac. I think this is the longest Ive gone w/o reaching out to him. Yay me!

Football tonight! Go Pack! Ill check in after the game.